It's Time To Rock; Part II

[PEI]

The LBS usually has a very hard time dealing with the difference between the WAS leaving the marriage and the now altered parental relationship. In most cases, the WAS has not LEFT the children, just changed the relationship as a result of the logistics of leaving the marriage.

Hi PEI,

I agree with most of what you said in your two posts above. It's very easy for a LBS to get into "woe-is-me," and into self-righteousness, and lose sight of their own contributions to the dysfunction in the marriage.

However I disagree with the above quote, at least when there's an ACTIVE affair going on with the spouse who's walking away. Affairs are HIGHLY addictive, and I'm sorry, I do not feel that "in most cases," it's merely a matter of "logistics" that has changed with the cheating spouse. Most of the cases I've observed on this and other forums, there is some REALLY crappy parenting going on, and the person engaged in the affair really does stop putting their kids first the way they used to. There's a strong "entitlement" streak that runs thru adulterous relationships, and a "Hey, this is MY turn now; I deserve to have some fun!" self-centeredness that is way-too-prevalent.

If there is no OM/OW, then I agree with the quote above.

Starsky

Hey Starsky, good to see ya!

I didn't say they were good parents. The point I was trying to make is that they ARE still parents, they have not given up that role. We, the LBS, tend to attach the spouse and parent role as though they are the same thing. I was paraphrasing from the parenting course I took, and I did the psychologist no justice by being so brief (so there y'all, I won't make that mistake again ). Bottom line IMO is that we need to detach the roles.

Crappy parents? Who a WAS? NO. Really ... lol, so a little sarcasm here but honestly, nobody's gonna hand out parent of the year awards to any of our WAS/MLCers ... including me. My own stbxH was/is very selfish, and although I don't think he would consciously make choices that are not in the best interest of our kids he is wearing "love goggles", and those goggles blur his once clear vision. That blurry vision will have consequences, and he'll have to live with them.

Peace
PEI