Standing for my live-in MLC'er/WAS

[angel61]

Cyrena,

Don't worry, I am not about to beat up H, I guess I still have enough self control not to do that! I know and understand that he is in pain too.

I think he even has better coping skills than I have. I want him to find his way.

I myself am struggling to find out what are my issues, I have been on the edge of a breakdown for weeks now. Last weekend I found myself shaking uncontrollably, in tears, after a long drive with H. Suicidal thoughts float around in my mind at times, but my faith and reason and logic still prevail. I know I would never really be able to take my life, there is just a perverse satisfaction in thinking of it. I hate to even write it, but I think better to let it out.It is my selfish self, inward looking.

What has happened to D has pulled me out of my focus on myself on put back the spotlight on her. I am actively thinking of how I should handle this. This is me, the fixer, the rescuer.

H is a gown up, is a smart person, has some spirituality left in him. I will give him the facts, and let him decide for himself. I think we have to work together to handle this, he will not want me to decide by myself anyway, knowing how much he loves and cares for D. Unless he tells me that he gives up his parental rights, I do not think it will be appropriate for me to forge ahead and make decisions by myself.