I am reading up on self cutting. And I am astounded that my D was able to correctly identify why she felt the need to do so - the need to control her own pain - very much a classic textbook case.
Angel, this actually concerns me a bit.
Not too many 12 year olds could spell it out.
Keep that in mind as you are trying to deal with this.
Originally Posted By: Angel
But isn't it that part of the responsibility of parenting is to help them, educate them on how to deal with pain and suffering they will meet later on in life, while keeping home a safe haven, instead of the source of pain?
In an ideal world this might be the case.
We don't live in an ideal world.
Even at home, sometimes pain occurs. As a parent, it is up to us to teach our children the coping skills that they will need to get throught stuff.
Originally Posted By: Angel
I like to write things as usually, whe I start speaking, I might not be able to control and all the manipulative things will start coming out of me. I may talk to therapist first and then roll the letter into one big explanation with all the facts. I did tell him last night a bit about what she is doing, and he was puzzled, and quiet. I have no idea how he is processing it, but I know he is.
Angel,
You told him. Leave it alone.
Your H is MLC.
He is in his own world and that is where you need to leave him.
It is tempting to us to try to take situations with our children, or sometimes even ourselves and our families or our health and hope that it wakes our spouses up.
We may feel like we are doing the best thing for our kids, but somewhere inside, underneath, we have the small hope that THIS will make the difference.
That once they realize that they need to stick around, that we can begin to work through the real problems.
It isn't going to happen that way. It just doesn't work.
They may stick around for a while, but when the crisis is over, they are right back to their shenanigans.
Angel, your letter was manipulative. It may have been out of concern for your D, but it read as total manipulation.
You freely admit that when you talk you can become manipulative. And you admit to wanting to and actually hurting yourself at times.
Do you see the pattern here?
Take care of your D and work on you Angel. You both have some behaviors and patterns of coping that need to be examined.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
