That said, I still stand by my comments above. Compassion is needed in these situations, however, that does not mean we have to agree with the actions of the WAS. Like I said, I understand that she would not have walked away from a healthy R, but it is also not an excuse to have an A. I think there is a line there between understanding and compassion and making excuses for what the WAS is doing.
I hope you don't think that is what I am doing?
Originally Posted By: Country_Song
An A is never an appropriate, healthy or positive response to the problems in a M. We all know here that there is another choice. Even if the choice becomes leaving the M, there are better ways to handle the situation.
You are preaching at the choir brotha. FTR, I did not say or imply that it was. The point I am trying to make is that her decision to do so it outside of your control, and is within her rights as an adult human being. Right or wrong? Well, we're not debating here, we all know where we stand on that.
I say you may as well focus on what you can control, and just be very careful with the thought of "she's wrong" ... "I never cheated" ... while all true, they can very easily lead you down the path towards superior thinking and/or victimhood. How do I know? I took that trip. Trust me, you don't want to go there - the food is crap and it's far too expensive
Listen, I'm in the trenches just like you, and no, I didn't like what happened to my life anymore than you do. But there are some hard truths that we, as LBS parents, must face. I agree that you should not do anything to make her life easier, but I also think you need to be careful to not let rightousness get between you and doing what's right by your daughter sometimes too. Just be careful. It's a fine line. Sometimes doing what's best for your daughter might look an awful lot like "making her life easier", I know it does to me. But always check your motivations and intentions.
I read and heard at a provincially offered parenting from two homes course something that stayed with me. The gist of it was this ...
So ... I'm curious. Let's say you W has the epiphany we all hope for ... says and does all the right things (and btw, reconciliation rarely or never looks like the movie sequence we envision) ...
... if/when that happens ... who is CS now? What kind of partner is he? What's changed?
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
