First of all, let me say that I am sorry. It is never easy to watch our children struggle. (((hugs)))
Now, I am going to say this in the best way I can ...
Your daughter is not cutting herself because of something your H has or has not done. PERIOD. She is cutting herself because she does not have the skills and tools to process the emotions she has running through her hormonally infused pre-teen body.
Yes, your H's actions have caused her pain. But learning how to deal and cope with pain is the true issue here. What if a friend had gotten killed by a drunk driver? What if a classmate committed suicide? Angel, your D will have to face challenges and the bigger and better the toolbox you help her accumulate, the better she will be able to.
I also want to ask you something ... since research shows that these types of actions are usually cries for attention, what are the changes that she may be attempting to manipulate the situation? I'm not blaming her. She's a 12 year old in a situation she has no control over. She's also, based on how you speak of her, a very intelligent and intuitive child. Please don't take that the wrong way, it may be something you want to discuss with her IC.
Now, on to you ...
Your fear about your D hurting herself has brought the "old Angel" screaming to the surface. The letter you wrote was designed to guilt and shame your H into reconciliation. You are desperate to control the situation, and have him realize that you are "right". It might have even worked for the short term (although I doubt it) ... and then what would you have?
A house of cards.
You can not "snap him out of it" or "make him see sense". In fact, that letter would more than likely p!ss him off royally, as it puts the entire blame directly on his shoulders ... something MLCers/WASs are NOT fond of.
Handle this Angel. Like the strong, capable, independant woman you can be. Your daughter could really use a stable, strong female role model right now and you do have what it takes to provide that for her. Give him facts, if he seeks more, he seeks more. If he doesn't, he doesn't. Those are his choices and he must live with the consequences of them, including a potentially damaged relationship with his daughter.
Walk your path Angel, keep on truckin'...
(((hugs)))
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
