Let Us Be Outstanding Together. Part 3

[Busting Mode]

Hey Everyone,

Took a little hiatus from the boards for awhile. Had some things that I wanted to focus on doing for myself that were...more important than DBing.

Yeah. And in so doing I discovered some things that are even more important to me than "winning" back my wife or "saving my marriage."

Last weekend I attended a personal development workshop called The Landmark Forum. It is something I have been wanting to do for years and finally got the opportunity to attend.

True to it's billing, the experience was transformative. Without question a landmark, a milestone, a turning point in my life. The forum has been described as "an inquiry into the realm of possibilities". So if an expanded world view with unlimited possibilities is something that sounds appealing to you, then I highly recommend you check it out for yourself.

During the forum, many new possibilities arose for me, and now, even a week later, things just keep on getting clearer, and more and more doors are opening.

During the forum, we explored the value of our words, and the power our words have to create and define our world. We saw the depth and impact of the meaning that we give to things, and how those meanings determine our course of action. We also learned how to let go of meanings that no longer serve us.

For example, before attending the forum I had two beliefs that were simply fatal to having any kind of healthy, long-term relationship.

The first belief was that women can't be trusted.
And the second belief was that...I am always right.

Yeah. No wonder I am here.

I am so grateful for that insight. Now, I am being the possibility of "a clearing" in all of my relationships. I am being the possibility of enjoying an authentic relationship with L---- whether we get divorced or not. I am being the possibility of a transformation in myself and in our marriage, no matter what she decides.

Life is good. More later.

[Busting Mode]

On my walk this morning, I finally, fully shifted my focus.

I went from thinking "what is most important to her" and "what is she, wanting, needing, doing (and the dreaded 'who is doing her')to "what is most important to me."

I remembered that months ago I had already decided if I am going to be in a committed relationship, then:

I need a partner I completely trust.
I need a partner who is able to keep her promises to me.
I need a partner who I can work with and who is able to be happy with herself and her decisions even when things don't go as she expected.

And now I will add that I need a partner who knows the value of her word and how having a healthy relationship with anyone requires the ability to keep your word.

So it's been more than ten days since I have heard from the WAW.
Ten days ago we talked about going away on vacation together sometime in April.
Ten days ago she wrote "I'll figure it out and let you know" and "I will email you during my trip."

What happened was she got home from her trip 2 days ago. She still has not sent me an email.

Never mind for a moment that she has broken her marriage promises to me, she has not even kept the promise of sending me an email. Were it an isolated incident, it wouldn't be a problem. But I now see it as a repeating pattern and for me it is not workable. It does not fit with what I want for myself, for my life, for my marriage, it doesn't even fit what I want for her.

[~¤DG¤~]

Wow...it sounds like this workshop was just what you needed.
You sound very refreshed and relaxed and focused. Good for you!

[Busting Mode]

Thanks Dg.

12 days and no word from the WAW, yet I am feeling solid. No fear. Even she now has my signature on the divorce papers and she can file them any moment.

I'm still missing her like crazy, and still wavering more often than I would like between the possibility of being with another woman someday, and the possibility of never being with anyone else again unless it is my "Beckie".

Kinda weird but I'm really liking the idea of never being with anyone else, and just loving this one woman truly well for the rest of my life, giving myself over to loving her completely without ever expecting anything in return...

I know it's a pretty high ideal...

And yet the possibility persists and continues to feel good...

Best of all I am absolutely in the moment. Right now I have no decisions pressuring me, no actions I feel compelled to take.

Just fully enjoying my days, and waiting to see her next move.

Life is beautiful!!!

[zengypsy]

Hi BM:

I have been off the baords for a bit myself. I wanted to stop by and see how you were doing. SOunds like you are really working on self-growth. That is HUGE; plain and simple.

Enjoy this time to yourself and for yourself!

[Busting Mode]

Thanks Zen. Hope you are doing well.

[Busting Mode]

okay so I've identified how my financial instability and my lack of confidence has directly impacted my wife.

so today I have a question and am once again asking for your help.

it has now been two weeks since I have heard from her. she has the signed divorce papers in her hand, could file at any moment.

right now she appears confused about what to do.

I am torn between continuing to wait until she initiates communication, or if I should break the silence with an offer of child support such as this message I am considering sending her today:

-----------

Baby I think this is the longest we have ever gone without speaking and I have no idea where you are at right now, so if this message comes across as being forceful that isn't the intent..

While I want to respect your need for time and space, I am also eager to support you and the kids every way I can.

For starters, here is a copy of an ad I ran in Craigslist recently. I will be forwarding you some of the responses I received. There are no strings attached to this and I will continue paying for it even if you file. Just let me know which one you want to hire.

Michael

--------

I was then going to forward her the applications I received and let her decide which one she wants. she has no idea I have done any of this.

what do you think?

send the letter or continue waiting until she initiates some kind of communication, whatever it may be?


Baby I think this is the longest we have ever gone without speaking and I have no idea where you are at right now, so if this message comes across as being forceful that isn't the intent..

While I want to respect your need for time and space, I am also eager to support you and the kids every way I can.

For starters, here is a copy of an ad I ran in Craigslist recently. I will be forwarding you some of the responses I received. There are no strings attched to this and I will continue paying for it even if you file. Just let me know which one you want to hire.

[Busting Mode]

whoops. duplicate content in there at the end. too late to edit out.

[Mach1]

What are the applications for ?



Sorry if I missed that....

[Busting Mode]

here's a copy of the ad I ran in craigslist. I had offered her this several weeks ago but I think she felt it wasn't possible to find someone.

I have now received several applications in response to this ad, however I want to appear to my wife as helpful not pursuing and certainly not desperate.

Here's the ad:


Mother's Helper

Date: 2011-04-05, 5:52AM MDT



I am looking for a reliable woman with her own vehicle to help look after my 2 kids in Longmont.

I work nights as a nurse, and usually know my schedule 2 months in advance, so I can give you a fixed schedule of when I will need your help.

My daughter is 14, and my son is 9. Your duties will include making them dinner, making sure they do their homework, reading with my son at night, and occassionaly driving them to school, the rec center and karate.

Let me know if you are interested and we can talk more about the details.

Thanks

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Thanks Mach, I'm leaning towards just continuing to wait for her, but I am also more aware than ever how my previous failures to support her have really impacted how she feels about me.