It's Time To Rock; Part II

[PEI]

Listen guys, I'm not trying to be a harda$$ but honestly, there's a lot of "poor me" crap flying around. Let's get brutally honest here for a minute and remember that and OP is usually a SYMPTOM of a problem. <side note> before anyone goes off on me, heare me out ...

People don't walk away from happy, healthy, fulfilling relationships.

And relationships have TWO contributors.

Why not really focus on the parts you control? All of us LBSs get bombed and then BOOM! we make changes ... and then we're p!ssed because the WAS doesn't see it our way on our timeline. Dammit, don't they understand that we get it now? Why aren't they back? Why don't they see that I will do whatever it takes to make this work?

Well, frankly, there are many reasons. It usually takes years to get this point (vs the months we've had since the bomb to try to "be different"). Years of them building resentment and being angry because they didn't feel ___ or they did feel ___. In my stbxH's case he didn't feel heard and he did feel managed and controlled. When the bomb dropped I promised the world, but you know what ... I would not have been capable of delivering it at that time. Nope. If he had come back then I would not have been able to keep my end of the deal, because all of my issues that led me to behave in certain ways would have still been simmering under the surface.

I read on here, and I think it was Cat (here's your nickle) that said - and I warn you I'm paraphrasing - that the real work is piecing, and if you're not really ready and able to do it because you didn't take the time that was gifted to you, to truly work on yourself ON ALL LEVELS, than that is a damn shame and a total waste.

Your Ss are on their personal journeys. Stop watching out the rearview mirrors and start looking in your own. And I mean look past the surface ... sure, be attractive and healthy and all that stuff. But really dig into the dynamic.

My marriage has not been saved, but I have. I am now fully aware of what I have to offer and what I want in a partner. I know who I am and what I'm made of. And I have a lot of compassion for my stbxH. I can only imagine the internal turmoil he must have been in to make the choices he felt were necessary.

Peace
PEI