I was thinking about my LRT behavior more this weekend...
I feel like I am ignoring her, which is actually quite true. I have been avoiding her and avoiding talking to her. How is she supposed to see the side of me she loved / could love if we don't even engage in conversation? Honestly unless I ask about the kids day, or dinner, or weekend schedule, we wouldn't talk much at all. She is still at the point of not bringing anything up. I am dying to know how her counseling session went, or how she feels now about us, or what she sees our future as, but I do NOT bring it up. I wonder if she really ever will. I don't think she will, but at some point we will have to talk about it, with regards to moving back, summer vacation planning, etc. I know when the summer plans come up, I will have to say something like "well, that depends on what is our situation after summer, will we be together, or moving back, or what?" She does occasionally have a tiny question about my work or something benign. Actually, the other day she asked what the guys and I did when we went out the other night, and she volunteered what her plans with the girls were. I just assumed it was part of the roller coaster.
QUESTION When she asks me questions, or engages me, and I supposed to remain coy, or use this opportunity to engage her, and give positive reinforcement?
I know overall the LRT is not about her, or her behavior, or less my relations to her, it is more about me, and my life moving on. I just get confused by how to relate to her during this time. If she sees me totally and utterly ignoring her and not wanting to even talk to her when she starts it, then she will be happy to let go and feel bitter (more) about me, making things worse. I wonder if she is too strong and stubborn to really react to me pulling away. Even if she did notice it and feel something, I think she would be too angry or lost to actually say anything to me. She never says anything about anything with regards to our relationship unless I ask. It's been like that for as long as I can remember.
Even when going to bed, usually she is in bed and asleep before I get in. Even if she is awake when we go to bed, we usually don't say goodnight. She has not been sleeping well at all lately. Which actually makes me feel good because it means she is really stressed or guilty about what her choices are.
1 week into the LRT in action (after 2 weeks away where I barely spoke to her), and it's tough moving. I am really good disconnecting, but confusion still remains of course.
Thanks for any comments. I can't wait until this delay goes away and I can post direct up. I understand why, but still tough.
