Welcome to the MLC board, Bolt. Sorry you find yourself here, but you will receive a lot of support from some very wise people.

Cadet should be along soon to give you some reading to do. The more you understand about MLC, the easier it is to detach and step off the roller coaster.

Can you tell us a bit about your W's childhood? Many times a MLC is rooted in something that happened in childhood or early teens. Many times children don't have the tools to deal with these situations and therefore the issue(s) aren't dealt with at all. Unfortunately, they do come back to haunt them, generally in mid-life when we tend to question ourselves about the life we've lived so far and knowing there isn't all the time in the world left.

The MLCer starts acting like a teenager and tries to turn back the clock and renegotiate that time they didn't get successfully through the first time around.

Usually the LBS can pinpoint a possible trigger that sets the MLCer off. I commend you for recognizing your EA before it went any further. You paid a very high price for that though and that combined could have triggered the MLC in your W.

That said, it would not have mattered if it was that or something else that triggered it. It would have happened anyway. There is no way to prevent it and no way to fix it for her. She has to do it by herself.

She is on her journey. Now, is the time you get to take your own. None of us are guilt free in the down fall of our marriages.
Work on those things you don't like about yourself. Change them, but only if it is for yourself. Move forward with your life as if your W will not return. Be the best Bolt you can be for you. This way when you're ready for a new R, whether it be with your W, or someone else, you will not repeat those same mistakes again.

Avoid any R talks with her at this time. Come here to vent, we'll be here to listen and offer opinions. One thing you will find is that the advice can be counter intuitive to what you think you should do. Keep referring back to DR. Remember the only one you can control is you.

This is tough stuff, but I promise it does get better. Take care.