On my walk this morning, I finally, fully shifted my focus.
I went from thinking "what is most important to her" and "what is she, wanting, needing, doing (and the dreaded 'who is doing her')to "what is most important to me."
I remembered that months ago I had already decided if I am going to be in a committed relationship, then:
I need a partner I completely trust. I need a partner who is able to keep her promises to me. I need a partner who I can work with and who is able to be happy with herself and her decisions even when things don't go as she expected.
And now I will add that I need a partner who knows the value of her word and how having a healthy relationship with anyone requires the ability to keep your word.
So it's been more than ten days since I have heard from the WAW. Ten days ago we talked about going away on vacation together sometime in April. Ten days ago she wrote "I'll figure it out and let you know" and "I will email you during my trip."
What happened was she got home from her trip 2 days ago. She still has not sent me an email.
Never mind for a moment that she has broken her marriage promises to me, she has not even kept the promise of sending me an email. Were it an isolated incident, it wouldn't be a problem. But I now see it as a repeating pattern and for me it is not workable. It does not fit with what I want for myself, for my life, for my marriage, it doesn't even fit what I want for her.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
