confused bolt

[Bolt]

well, I keep just moving around these boards...first newcomers, then piecing (well, I thought I was) and now here after some very dear friends encouraged me to.

In a nutshell - 18 years with the same woman, 16 years of that married. The last 5 have been a little rocky (8 if you ask her) and the last 2 years especially bad.

It started when W started working nights at her hospital job. I never saw her and was disconnecting emotionally. At the same time, I got an assistant at work that paid me the attention I was looking for. Talking led to texting. We had work lunches and one dinner. I did start to get emotionally attached to her and told my W the entire time - possibly a cry for help.

The EA ended when I could sense that the assistant wanted to take it further. I did not bc of my respect for my W and my M. But that's when the problems happened. The assistant stepped up her pursuit and ended up getting me in more trouble at work. She twisted words and ended up using them against me as I got fired for sexual harassment. Was I blameless in pushing the envelop? Not sure. Was I guilty of harassment? Absolutely not.

Needless to say, after the firing, my W started her exit strategy. She said we were on shaky ground and I entered AA immediately. A lot of my problems were alcohol related and 90 meetings in 90 days really "cured" me of that. I'm not an alcoholic, I realized after all of those meetings, and I did control my drinking. I barely touch the stuff anymore. I began to change my focus - used to be career, career, me, career, kids, wife...It changed to God, Wife, Kids, Life, Career.

I thought I was doing pretty well. After about a year, the W was getting anxious to move from CA. It was expensive there and none of our family was there to help support us. I was still making some money but nothing like I was prior to being fired. The thing that was preventing me from wanting to leave was I had too many prospects for my career. I didn't want it to be a priority but it was still important.

Last Christmas was the beginning of the end. W dropped the bomb right before we left for Ohio to visit family. I got DR and DBd my tail off. I found out she had been texting a guy for quite some time and I called her on it. She denied anything but went to Ohio to interview for jobs and look for potential new homes.

At that time, I trusted her and thought that moving the entire family was the right thing to do. I decided to give up my career temporarily (it's all in LA - entertainment) to work on my family and my M.

W got a job and a house that was big for all of us. I still didn't believe she wanted the M to work but she assured me that if she didn't, she wouldn't have gotten a big house.

The days leading up to the move were traumatic. I didn't want to leave my home and my career but thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I was showing her ultimate sacrifice and change.

We moved. On the way, I totalled my car, while she flew home ahead of us - I drove me, two kids, two cats and a prius filled of luggage 1400 miles in 2 days. Just more huge sacrifices.

We arrived in Ohio this past sunday. I see W and it seems that things are pretty good. Then monday happens and my W was replaced by a venom spewing alien. She tells me by phone that she wants a divorce. I'm not even in Ohio for 24 hours and she says the typical, "I don't love you. I'm not attracted to you..." all that crap.

So now, I am completely at a loss. I have no idea what I want to do, what I should do. My kids, my stuff, my W and my life are all gone. I'm living with my parents out of a spare bedroom with hardly a dime to my name.

(just 2 short years ago, before this all started, I was nominated for an Emmy award...life was fantastic...now this)

Her history? My therapist who was treating her said she was acting like a teenager and that she hadn't fully developed out of that. Maybe her moving back to her hometown was a horrible idea for our M...

Weeks up until our move, she got on the pill (I'm snipped), she lost a ton of weight, got new wardrobe - totally different and much sexier - started walking around the house in a bikini with headphones on, and texting like a little teeny bopper would.

I suspected an EA going on and even called her on it (before the move) to which she denied.

Well, after we did move, she said that she had a couple guys "lined up" and that she wanted another baby. Just moments before she was telling me how I didn't support her going back to school to get her masters...

I know I wasn't the best husband but I never physically hurt her, treated her this bad or cheated on her. For this to happen, I'm truly at a loss and feel it's all a complete nightmare...

anyway...long winded and redundant for those who have followed me.

my goal now is to get my life back on track and have no idea how to do it. I've been encouraged to come here and get involved. I'll do my best for sure. I need to stay occupied to get my mind off of this but it is all consuming right now.

Talking to lawyers, dividing our stuff, watching the credit card balances, wondering where my mail is, knowing she's out with other men, knowing I won't see my kids every day...it's all just too much.


bolt