Difficult day again today. She has been gardening all day with her Mum. Her best mate has just fallen off her horse and needs to go to hospital and she didn't turn to me at all for support. That hurts like hell.

She's just driven off with her Mum to go and see what is happening and didn't want me to go with her.

She said we would talk and play scrabble later on, but I know that any chance of time together today is now totally scrapped. She'll spend the evening at her mates house, go to work in the morning, not book any counselling as she's busy and our relationship will be even more down the pan that it already is (which I didn't think was possible already)

I'm hurting a lot from this, back in an empty house, with a few boxes of my stuff packed feeling totally in limbo. I can't concentrate on work, no boxes left to do packing in. I can't even move out as I don't have anywhere just yet to go to and all my mates are busy with mother's day.

Reality is that which, if you don't believe in it, doesn't go away.