New and saying hello

[~¤DG¤~]

Do you really think so? I have to admit coming up with specifics is really hard.
I've never done solution based goals before. They've always been so vague.

I will check out that Bible verse. Thanks!

[jbnati]

I think it's a definitely a good start. I get the impression in DR that it takes a few passes through before you really get your goals where you want them or where they should be. But now you have set some good guidelines for yourself. Good job!

[Brian in Hville]

Well, I specifically told my friends tonight who are also friends on FB that under no circumstances are they to tell me anything about what he posts or who he is talking to.
Even if I beg them, they need to tell me NO.
We are not friends on FB, but he "pokes" me all the time and I am going to ignore them.

I made a list of things that I want to change as well as the specific steps that I am going to take to change them.
I'm going to have to focus on one at a time, because I want to make sure I do this right. For me.

Tonight my S and I stopped at the pet store and they had the most adorable female Basset Hound puppy.
They are my absolute favorite breed of dog and it took all my power to walk away and not bring her home with me.
Part of the reason is my H, I know he doesn't want a dog and while we are separated, D isn't being considered right now and I can't make a decision like that without talking with him.
So although tempting, I resisted. Oh how I keep thinking about her though!


Here is my 180 list so far:

STOP BEING SO INSECURE!
-stop checking phone records
-when I get the urge I will tell myself "You are worth more than this"
-Practice positive self talk
-stop looking at his FB
-don't ask friends/family what he has posted
-practice positive self talk.


-HAVE A MORE POSITIVE ATTITUDE
-when I have a negative thought, I will stop myself by saying "How is this helping me?"
-when I start feeling anxious or worried, I will pray to God for guidance
-start going to church
-No chasing, pursuing, or I love you
-remind myself that he knows all of these things
- continue with counseling for myself
- find things to do that I enjoy that make me feel good about myself

I have also started a list on the positive things about me. That one is going to take more time.

I am proud of you DG!! This is really good!!! First thing on your list of positive things. You are truly a WONDERFUL person!!!

[~¤DG¤~]

Thanks to everyone who has responded to my posts.
I haven't been a member here very long at all, and yet I feel like all of you have helped me out tremendously.

I am feeling positive tonight. I might not feel as positive tomorrow, but I'll worry about it then.

[Brian in Hville]

Good for you DG!!! I am proud of you. Keep allowing yourself to feel good. You deserve it!

[~¤DG¤~]

Ugh...rough night. Not because of H, but because my pancreas acted up again. Good news is my pain meds helped and I didn't have to go to the hospital.

However I didn't fall asleep until 4:30 and got up about 7:30 so I am a bit exhausted.
I am still feeling positive though, which is good.

[MynameisMZ]

I would think it would be important to have him spend time with your friends that know the "we" and "us" part of you both.

My H and I are now in Piecing and a big part of what we do is to be sure to do things with our friends. I took it as a good sign when he was with them during his A.

It really sounds like you are doing DB well. He seems to be responsive.

I hear you when you keep saying you are scared to get your hopes up. However, if building your self-esteem is a goal for you, this (DB techniques and the patience required) will help you get there. You have to trust yourself.you're doin' good!

[~¤DG¤~]

I am so proud of myself! Today was a GREAT day!
My S and I went to the Mall of America and had a great time.
I snagged some deals to make me feel good about myself, and it was just fun to spend time with my youngest S.
I kept my phone in my purse and made myself a promise that I would not text back if he texted me, and I didn't.

While we were sitting on a bench at the mall, a lightbulb went off. I need to "Act If" I am moving on with my life without him.
As much as it makes me sad to even think about it, I realized that I should be focusing on helping me to get to a better place.

My H and I have been separated for 7 weeks tomorrow, and part of me thinks it is too long and we'll never make it back to one another, but then I stop myself and pray to God to lead me in the right direction.

[jbnati]

Great job. DG!!!
Hang in there! God has a plan for all of this and that's what I remind myself of daily,

I'm really glad you enjoyed your time with your son, because that's VERY important.

[~¤DG¤~]

Yes, it is important. My oldest S is 15 and likes to be with friends and wasn't with us. If he was the whole day would have been perfect but oh well.....

My S kept thanking me for the awesome day. That made me feel good.
We both crashed on the couch at 9pm we were so exhausted.