How will his parent's passing affect my MLCer?

[Sanderika]

Hi GAG,

I am so mad today....BMF has made me angry.

BMF is such a very selfish man. Even after being told by XH that he wanted (needed is more like it) alone time, BMF went upstairs anyway. This man doesn't have the ability to have compassion or listen. Had XH wanted BMF to follow him he would have said so....BMF went upstairs for his own entertainment. He should have gone home!

Your XH needs to spend time alone to grieve his mother's passing. It will take him longer if he is constantly being entertained and isn't given the time and space to come to terms with this death in his own timetable and no one else. He is the only one who can face the pain this loss is causing. It is personal. It will take a long time.

XH shouldn't have to tell BMF how he feels or what he needs. If BMF was all that in tuned with XH he would know it already and do the right thing. That is what a good friend does.

BMF will continue to come between XH and everything worth while in his life for selfish reasons. BMF is jealous of XH. BMF has an unhealthy approach to this friendship in that he is obsessed with being front and center in XH's life. Perhaps one day XH will be able to see the forest through the trees on this one.

(((((GAG))))) I think I would allow XH some time alone after his sister leaves. He is apt to need that time to actually "break-down" while he is alone to do so. It would be best if it happens sooner or later and he may be trying to be strong while he has attention and eyes watching.

I wonder instead if you could put something in his fridge in case he's hungry(?) If you are going to be going over to say goodbye to X-SIL and her H, this might work very well.....just something to think about.

Sanderika