MLC Purgatory

[meganna]

Thanks GAG, I didn't know about that. It's a good tool to keep in my back pocket.

I am consumed by grief right now. When I got home from work yesterday H told me he wanted to wait a few weeks to talk again because there was so much anger the other night when we spoke. Not sure if he meant he was so angry or he thought I was. I pushed it a bit and ended up suggesting we agree to stay separated for 6 months without changing anything financially or pursuing D. He asked if my main reason for suggesting that was financial stability, and I started crying and said no, my main reason is that I hope that more IC and time would open him up to working on R. I said after that of course money is an issue, pointed out if I have no guarantee from him then I have no choice but to take a full time position and put the kids in full time daycare and then when and where would he see them? He didn't have an answer for that. He also said if we do D, he hopes we can agree on things and not fight over things, the only thing he cares about is time with the girls. Which made me cry even more and I ended up telling him that to walk away from this M without even trying to save it was the ultimate selfish act towards his daughters, that he was the only one who would win in that scenario and he's never had to experience what it's like to be a child of D. He said no, my parents stayed together and I'm still so messed up. I asked if he'd posed the possibility of MLC to his IC, and he said he did and she doesn't think that's it. I asked if he would die for the girls, and he said of course, so I said then why can't you try for them? And he walked away, said goodbye to the kids, told me we would talk again in a few weeks, and left.

I just cannot even bear the thought of my daughters going through D and all the huge changes that will bring to their lives. They will lose so much, and they don't deserve that, and it just kills me.