Good analysis. The good is good and the not so good is really not so good. Reconciliation needs to be a two-way street. Putting a bandaid on it, sweeping it under the rug, works in the short-run but is not really a fix.
It takes both of you to be willing to make changes. It's not just a matter of thinking about what the other wants you to change, so you change that. There's a lot of importance to thinking about what you did wrong yourself, and apologizing for it, and being willing to change those things.
I know you say she won't do Retrouvaille, which is a shame, because they walk you along a course where both people really think about the nitty-gritty of what they see wrong in the relationship (not finding fault with the other person) and what they are willing to change about themselves. Maybe you can go to a good MC and work through these things. But it needs to be on both parts, not just one.
