Lookin' Back

[Denver_2010]

Hey Harrier, I think that I just figured out the problem here... we're both attorneys! LOL!!

Hey man, I get what you're saying. I'm happy that you have some 'proof in the pudding' in your sitch as well!

I hope that things keep going well for both of us!

Denver

[Denver_2010]

I experience moments almost every day when I am tempted to criticize something my husband does, but instead I keep my mouth shut and go about my business. And life goes on smoothly. If I let go and told him the thought that went through my mind, we'd be back in the same old bad feeling game. It's really not that hard to do the right thing. And it's a lot easier than correcting it later.

Thanks for checking in Lotus. I really like that advice. It is so simple, yet so important. Unfortunately, it is sometimes difficult to follow for some reason.

Denver

[Denver_2010]

DG - I'm glad that my post hit home with you. I really do believe what I said about the 180s. If you are truly doing things that improve who you are as a human being, you will also be improving the type of spouse that you can be also. Obviously, the hope is that this helps us get our WAS back... but it can't be the reason that we do it.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

LIS - thanks for all of the kind words. Yes, we have been with each other since the beginning of our situations. I appreciate that you recognize the work that I have done over the past 4 months. I also hope that you will be with me, and hold me accountable when I mess up going forward.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

You're right Jack... I do sometimes hesitate to post these days. I guess I'm having a bit of 'survivor's guilt' going on. I hope that no one here takes it as me rubbing it in.... I don't feel that way at all.

I truly appreciate the pain that those who are on this board are going through because I have been there. I want NOTHING but success for everyone here.

I am proud of myself for holding true to the DB principles and the success they have helped me attain over the past 4 months. Success in getting me back to a place where I have an opportunity to save my M, but also success in becoming a healthier and happier person.

The tools that you and Dbmod talk about? I'd be a fool to lose sight of those. I know that I'd, most likely, end up right back here talking about how my W left me again if I did!

Thanks Jack for all of the advice and support that you have given me over the last 4 months... You are a true asset to this board.

BITS
Denver

BITS
Denver

[Harrier]

Hey Harrier, I think that I just figured out the problem here... we're both attorneys! LOL!!

Hey man, I get what you're saying. I'm happy that you have some 'proof in the pudding' in your sitch as well!

I hope that things keep going well for both of us!

Denver

Actually, I realize I'm just darn lucky too.

What ever happens, Do not be afraid to ask JTB for his advice. He is a great resource for piecing.

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Brian! I'm glad that you find hope in my situation. I try to follow your thread when I can. I really hope that you are able to find success here. I think that you have already shown a lot of improvement since you first started posting. Keep it up, and let me know if there is anything that I can do to help!

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Denver - thanks so much for posting that! It helps me know I am heading down the right path and gives me some additional hope. I think I will want to refer back to that often. You da man!

JB - Everything that I say to those who first come here are based on my experience. That's it. Others who post and give advice base it on their experience. The point is, that each situation is different. The advice that doesn't differ, IMO, is that you must have patience, focus, and give this time in order to give it a chance to work.

Good luck. I really hope that you find success here too.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

Hot damn Denver...sounds like it's almost time to go to Casa Bonita and celebrate with some sopapillas!!

Its funny...I have envisioned what MC would be like and my ideal first session is EXACTLY what just happened for you. Hopefully I'll get there someday. It is interesting...my W moved back home, but I still feel like you and your W are light years ahead emotionally of where my sitch is. I'd be interested to get your 2 cents on my latest posts in my thread.

Ha!! Casa Bonita it is my friend... next time you find yourself in Denver! And yes, Country, it is the same place that was on South Park! Hilarious episode btw.

I have been following your thread Navy. I really think that you are on the right track. Like I said in the above post, every situation is different. Keep giving your W the time that she needs to sort through her feelings. And keep showing her all of the reasons why she'd be crazy to give up on your M. She has seen them up to this point... trust me. She would NOT have moved back into your home if she wasn't.

BITS
Denver

[Denver_2010]

UPDATE...

Wednesday ... Went out to dinner with W's family for SS's birthday. His party was last Saturday, but his actual birthday was on Wed. We had a lot of fun. Nothing really of note on our R though.

Thursday...

W had a gig with her music company. It was a recording session at a studio. W had told me about a week ago that OM might be there. She didn't know bc she hadn't talked to him. The way that it works with this company is that she receives gig information via email. The owner sends the info out to all of the musicians who are in the company. W is the main female vocalist, so it is rare that she won't accept and be on a particular gig. But with some of the other musicians, that is not the case. There are a number of guitar players for example... if the company's number 1 guitar player doesn't want to do a particular gig, then the number 2 player can take it. It is the same with the horn players, which OM is a part of. And he is not a number 1 horn player. So he gets the scraps, basically. It is also rare that a gig actually has horn players at all. The bottom line is, W can tell me if a gig has horn players on it, but she can't tell me if OM is going to be on the show for sure unless she communicates with OM.

When we were talking about how W would let me know if and when OM is on a gig with her in the future, W told me that she'd rather not have to communicate with OM to find out if he was on a particular gig and would rather just tell me if the gig has horn players and then let me know when she gets to the venue if OM is there. I told her that I am fine with that, and I don't want her communicating with OM either.

So last night's gig did have horn players. W and I didn't know if OM would be present. When W arrived, she saw that he was indeed there. There were probably 10 or 11 musicians involved with this.

She texted me to let me know. She also told me that he was staying away from her and that he was clearly upset and trying to avoid her.

W texting me that she was feeling terrible bc it was clear that OM was upset and depressed. I responded by telling her that I was sorry that she was feeling terrible. We exchanged a few more text messages.

A little while later, W texted me that OM had already finished his part and had left.

I was watching SS and he eventually fell asleep on the couch. W called me when she was done and on her way to pick SS up. She arrived and we spoke for a little while. She and SS left.

W texted me when she got to the place where she is staying to thank me for watching SS. She said to me, "Thanks for everything tonight. If you're feeling at all untrusting of me, you can ask [name] or [name] how late we worked tonight. There is probably a part of you that is wondering."

I responded, "I trust you baby. But i do appreciate that you are being sensitive to my feeling with this. I think that this will really help us get through this."

W responded with a smiley face.
-----------

Today (Friday)....

W met me for coffee this morning. As we were talking, I asked her, "so OM was upset last night, huh?"

W, "Yeah, he seemed angry and hurt. I hate hurting anyone. I was careless. I shouldn't have dated anyone during our S... I should have just been by myself."

Me, "Did you talk to him at all?"

W, "A little. But when I am working he is not, and when he is doing his stuff I am just waiting around. And he was really trying not to be around me."

W and I are going out tonight. SS is spending the night with a friend.

That is where we are!

BITS
Denver