Making Changes

[stayingstrong]

So, last night was not a good night. We hadn't talked about our issues since last week really. I think she was just letting everything settle, but her mind was made up that she was not going to try. Then, last night she ended up going off on me, for my issues that we had 5 years ago. Problem is I lied, and I disrespected her during a time that I never should have. I had since 3 years ago apologized for this issue, but that is when she truly shut down, just about 2 years ago. Last night, it was pretty much over. She stated we need to figure out the next steps for the kids, etc. I was numb, even though I knew this was a possibility, but she continued to hound on this topic. I apologized up and down, and told her how I understand how this could make her feel this way and shut down. I think she really let it out and let me have it. She also told me that this was part of the reason she had infidelity issues 2 years ago.

THEN, this morning, I was shaving to go to work, and my 2.5 year old walks into the bathroom and hangs out with me. My W then walks in just a few minutes later and says she wants to really try to work this out. That she does love me, but that it is so buried inside her right now that she doesn't know how to dig it out. That her previous relationship with my SD8 father is what I reminded her of, because of the lie. I am nothing like this man, but I understand how this can make her feel. She really wants our family to be together, and wants to rebuild our relationship to a loving one, not a roommate situation. This is huge for us, because our MC needed her to have full buy-in before really going into this. I am hopeful, we are not anywhere I want this to be yet, but I am certainly hopeful, because last nights sleep was awful.