Well wednesday night I took my D2 to the library for a story-time thing. My W knew about it and had expressed interest in coming, so last week I told her she was welcome to join us. I made a point to not mention it again and see if she would follow through. Sure enough she met us there. Our D2 sat with the other kids and we sat next to each other in chairs behind them. It went very well. We talked and laughed together. Afterwards I was going to get ready to leave and I could tell my W didn't want our D2 to go. She kept coming up with reasons for us to stay longer like.."Why don't we look at some kids books" or "let's let D2 play a little longer with the other kids." I agreed. When our D2 was playing, my W and I were talking. I have my D2 this weekend and my W informed me that she would be out of town for the weekend. This means she will be with OM in Indianapolis. I think I did a good job of DBing here. I acknowledged what she said and just keep the convo moving. Didn't let it show that it hurt. When we left my W carried our D2 to my truck and buckled her in. I felt so bad for my D2. She began crying and begging her mom not to go. I didn't intervene, I just let my W explain to her that they would see each other the next day. I could see that my W was ready to start crying. We said goodbye and I headed home. My D2 had a rough night wondering were her mother was.
Having a good day with my D2. I know my W is "out of town", but I'm just not sweating it as much as I did before. I hope that feeling continues. I keep telling myself "why would I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me. I also just look at my lil girl and know I am sooooo lucky to be with her. I have remained completely dark this weekend. I'm not wasting my time spending her pics and expecting some kind of reaction. While my D2 was napping, I was in my basement going through all of her baby clothes. Most of it is just in cardboard boxes. I plan on sorting it all by size and putting them in rubbermaid containers. It is hard to go through this and think of all of our dreams of filling them with more kids. When we do seperate our things, I plan on taking half of this stuff. Not sure if I will ever have anymore kids, but the thought of my W having a child with someone else is horrible.
W tried breaking the darkness. She called me, I let it go to VM. She left a message that she wanted to tell me about her conversation with our realator yesterday and that I should call her. There was really no reason that call couldn't have waited. She isn't gonna tell me anything I don't already know. So anyways, I waited for an hour and then sent her a text "busy at the park with D2, you can tell me about it later." No response. I'm sure she is more or less calling bc she misses our D2. I refuse to enable her
Got a huge blow to my heart today. Like I said my MIL's bf has been staying with me. Them two hung out yesterday. When he went to drop her off he noticed a u-haul van in her drive. She told him that my W had went to indianapolis to help move OM here. So now the two of them will be staying there until he gets his place here. My M is over!!!! I hate that my D2 will be around someone new. I deserved to find this out from my W, not like this. The WAW always has a new way to stomp on your heart.
W called this morning to tell what the realator had said. After that she wanted to talk to our D2. I lied and said she was napping. W told me she would call back later.
I texted w to remind her to transfer in her half of the mortgage. She writes back that she will in the morning and that she is gonna call in a bit to talk to D2. I wrote her that it was not a good idea bc D2 was really acting strange and asking for her mom a lot and I think that just talking to her on the phone will only set it off again. W calls anyways. I was playing with my D2 in her room. I grabbed the phone and headed to my bedroom. I explained it again to my W. At first she tried to change my mind and then she became angry. Gave me real short answers. I ended the call.
I sent her a text stating again the way our D2 had acted after the library and had been all weekend. W starts in about how much she misses her. She then starts in about how she thinks she should get more time with her then me. That it would be "in D2's best interest." I quickly shot this down. Tellng her that I don't think she realizes how much my time means to our D2 too. She agrees
Now this next thing was a big mistake. I sent her a pic of D2. She replys "adorable. So u can send me a pic of her but I can't talk to her." I reply that I won't make a habit of doing it, but I just felt that tonight it was in her best interest. W writes back that it was b.s. What I did and that she has every right to talk to her D2. Another mistake maybe. I write that it is not about her and that she can call in the morning. No response.
I'm questioning many of my actions. For one, should I have just let her talk to her D2. I think I acted out of anger with my resent sitch and she saw right through me using my D2. Now she is at OM new place and telling him what an ass I am. His dumb@ss is agreeing with everything she is saying and telling her to get rid of me.
Hard morning. I'm so tired of waking up with anxiety, not sleeping, havng horrible dreams. What happened to my life. My worst fears of my W's A are coming true. The OM has moved to the area. I thought that as long as he lived in indianapolis, my chances were good for their A to fizzle. Now I just feel like it is pickng up steam.
For the first time, I really want my house to sell and get on with this. Time to let the rubber meet the road. I don't know if many of you are country music fans, but sara evans has a new song called "little bit stronger." This is becoming a good anthem for how I feel about my M.
This is from a girl I know sort of became a WAW. I say sort of bc the two aren't married but have dated for several years and have a 2 year old D. She decided early last fall that she wanted to be free of the R. She decided that the two would split the time with their D2 and go their separate ways. The man, as usual, wanted to stay together and work on things. Sound familiar to anybody?
Anyways, I heard a couple of weeks ago that the two had gotten back together. I was happy to hear this, but the DBer in me couldn't help but wonder what brought about the change. So I decided to text the "WAW." Here's how it went.
M: gotta ask what changed your mind about LBS
WAW: ummmm...well he agreed to do counciling with me. He started taking responsibility for D2 and started putting her in front of all of his bar stuff. I had a hard time sharing D2 and it really bothered me that we weren't a family. So I wanted to try to make it work.
M: I hate not being a family too. We both miss D2 but W doesn't seem to think it is enough. I am just making sure I am there for D2 when I can be.
WAW: yeah that's good. Every time me and LBS broke up it was bc only one of us was trying to make it work. This time both of us are trying and it makes a huge difference.
M: I wouldn't give W another chance unless I felt we were both gonna work at this.
WAW: true...we were both hesitant on getting back together bc we didn't want to go through a break-up again.
From there the conversation changed to helping the LBS find a new job in our area. They would like to move down by us.
Here's the kicker of the story...the WAW is my W's cousin!
Not sure if I will ever have anymore kids, but the thought of my W having a child with someone else is horrible.
I think this was part of the reason you kept W from talking to D2. You are having to face some fears nobody wants. Just remember that no OM will replace D2's daddy in her life and her heart. It's understandable that you want to protect D2 and maybe even try to prevent sharing her, but if you cause W to get angry and think you are trying to keep her from her baby.....you will have he!! to pay. It won't be worth it. Let her talk to her D.
((hugs))
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi Thanx for checking in on me. You are right. I have done so much thinking since then and have realized that I NEED to separate my R with my W and parenting. I was not putting our D2 first....shame on me!!
