Lookin' Back

[2stepboogie]

Nice

[Jack_Three_Beans]

While I see no reason for Denver to be concerned and am glad for him and his wife.

I think 'caution' is always a great watchword.

"Pride go before a fall." Its a cautionary statement.

I think Denver is proud of himself, and has every right to be. Everyone should be proud of themself, or they should be right then figuring out why they aren't.

But prideful? That's the problem. I don't think Denver is prideful, but if he allows himself to become so? Well that fall is a bithc of an equalizer.

I think at times Denver hesitates to post, because its hard to post good news in a place that doesn't have much of it. Almost like salt in some wounds. But I hope he keeps posting because it isn't salt, but a good example.

The tools DBmod talks about?

You forget those tools at your marriages peril.

[Harrier]

But prideful? That's the problem. I don't think Denver is prideful, but if he allows himself to become so? Well that fall is a bithc of an equalizer.

Well put JTB. God knows I've have not been as cautious at times and it has snaked me...not to the detriment of my M thankfully.

The whole "proof is in the pudding" comment rubbed me the wrong way. I know. I've been there thinking I had a handle on things b/c my W took divorce off the table.

The road is just starting for him, you know that better than most. There is a GOOD reason people say piecing is harder than straight Dbing.

[lostinscared]

Actually the proof is in the pudding. If we read this situation all the way back, we see where Denver started and where he is now. I completely agree that becoming too comfortable would be detrimental. However, I don't see that to be the case right now AT ALL. He IS an example of how to get this thing done. (This is not to take away from anyone who is not able to achieve reconciliation. Sometimes, unfortunately, there is no saving it)

Additionally, that he is going to be doing marriage counseling says to me that he is taking this reconciliation business DEADLY SERIOUS. Listen, I've been down this road and screwed it up beyond all recognition. I'm living proof of the WRONG WAY. And, Denver has chosen the careful, introspective path. And he has every right to be proud of that. I have been with Denver from the beginning, he's no dummy. He understands that he is about to start the hard work.

Denver, sorry about talking to you as if you are not in the room. I am proud of you, sweetie.

LIS

[ninelives]

Hey Gang:

I think that Harrier is not trying to be the bad guy here. I think he is merely reminding Denver to be aware of all the ramnifications with whats going on.

That maybe hard feelings towards OM may surface still and he should be honest about them. I also believe that Denver is aware of this and is so thankful to be were he is that he will keep the tools he learned and deal with things accordingly.

There is cause for celebration here folks. Always Cautious Celebration though because WAS's are ever unpredictable.

Lets all keep supporting Denver and hoping that he and Wife can grow old together.

9

[Denver_2010]

Hey Harrier... sorry that it seems to come across as if my last post was directed at you specifically. It wasn't.

The 'proof is in the pudding' ... HA! Sorry that rubbed you the wrong way. But I do think that the 'proof' that DBing does work is in the 'pudding' of where my sitch is now.

Advice that Dbmod had been edited a couple of days ago was not DB advice. As Dbmod pointed out. I won't take it... I won't give it ... and I don't want to see others just starting in my sitch consider it ...

Sorry. That's my opinion ... based upon my experience.

That particular advice is no where to be found in either the Divorce Busting or Divorce Remedy books.

I completely understand that I still have a lot of work to do with my M... and I have learned, that I always will.


Denver

[Denver_2010]

Thanks Nine... I don't think that Harrier was trying to be a bad guy either. The point that negative feelings about OM may surface is well taken. But what I think was missed is that I don't hide those negative feelings... neither here nor with my W. She is WELL aware of how I feel.

And I am doing my best to deal with those feelings.

BITS
Denver

[Lotus]

Denver,

I liked the way the MC appointment went. Sounds like you got a good therapist. That's wonderful! Glad to hear she is thinking about moving back home.

As time goes by, and you both start feeling comfortable again in the relationship, it becomes easier to keep the good feelings going. You just have to keep remembering the difference between doing what works, and doing what doesn't work.

I experience moments almost every day when I am tempted to criticize something my husband does, but instead I keep my mouth shut and go about my business. And life goes on smoothly. If I let go and told him the thought that went through my mind, we'd be back in the same old bad feeling game. It's really not that hard to do the right thing. And it's a lot easier than correcting it later.

[Harrier]

Look, I don't mean to be a d!ck. Maybe I can't help it, I am a lawyer after all.

But another Dbers story here hit me really hard - Bolt's. If you haven't followed it, it's pretty heartbreaking right now.

It's easy to get caught up in the euphoria of a big success. But it's is not the end game. This is a marathon and I've ran enough of them to know that how you feel in first, 5th or 15th mile doesn't mean that you will get the result you want in the end.

Its is great news? You bet and I applaud Denver. 110%

I also never used the term negative feeling for a reason. I don't think being mad is necessarily a negative feeling towards someone your love. Having contempt, hatred, or no feelings are negative and being mad or angry can be a precursor to all these. if you don't deal with it. Being mad is what it is. I'll trust that Denver is dealing with it.

I'll stick to my opinion on the pudding comment, but I see where you are coming from.

For those that don't know my story and think I'm just out to get Denver. I got the bomb dropped on me twice. (Ironically, about the same time as Denver) I've been piecing for about 4 months now (I know a short time) I've been to MC (our MC told us recently that we don't need him. So there is some proof to my pudding as well. LOL)

But it has NOT been grins, the whole time. It is really hard at times. My most recent experience is making the transformation to building a new M. I've learned so much more in piecing than I ever thought I would.

I just want to help him make that transition as best I can, but I don't do it through hand-holding and atta-boys. Not my style

[Jack_Three_Beans]

Proof and pudding...

To many here, I'm a DB success because I fall into Jack saved his marriage...

That's one definition of success, a limited one, but I realize that's what people look for when they first get here.

And my pudding?

My pudding isn't done till I'm dead.

I'll be piecing for the rest of my life, because the complacent, end up back here or walk.