I will see them both tonight for the weekly TT game and then dinner and planning afterward. I scheduled a session with Jody for 5pm on thursday to prepare mentally for the funeral.
Enjoy tonight, no thoughts about the future, no thoughts on what to do or what to say, just enjoy the company of loved ones during this time.
Good move on speaking to Jody before the funeral.
Center yourself......remember emotions will run "high" that day.
Take care.
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
I am sorry I have not been here this week for you.
I am in hopes that your TT last evening was wonderful and rewarding for all....
While tomorrow will be a difficult day, you will be fine.
Mr. GAG and his family have an obvious love and respect for you. You are still thought of as family and that will never change.
Go to the service and be the most remarkable, strong, supportive and loving woman that you are towards everyone.
I have followed along and feel it very interesting and notable that amongst the grief and formalities of Mr. GAG's mother's death and funeral planning HE still wanted to meet up with you for TT. WOW!!!
You need to remember that this is all progressing in the right direction and it is going to be a S-L-O-W trip. It will feel like you're traveling in the breakdown lane and not the hammer lane.
Time will continue to be in your favor and sometimes we have to be patient and persistent and loyal. In the end, we realize the trip was worth the journey it took to get there. "There" is where ever we want to go and be.....
My thoughts will be with you tomorrow, I wish you a day filled with love, warmth and compassion all around.
Sanderika
ME48/H48MLC T 33y M 28y S16 OW 8/7/05 Bomb 8/16/05 Sep 9/05 H f'd D 10/3/08 D pp'd 1/20/09,7/24/09,12/4/09 D dismissed 2/5/10 H served me D papers again 9/4/10 D dismissed 9/26/11
Thank you VERY much everyone for sharing your thoughts. I've been busy preparing for the funeral tomorrow so I won't have a chance to reply to each specific post until afterward but I wanted to check in quickly.
XH, his sister, and I got together last night to play TT and then went to dinner for 2 hours afterward. It was a very comfortable, relaxed, nice evening. They both seem stressed. I think it was good for XH to smash some TT balls. He needed to do that..........Earlier in the day X-SIL forwarded me an email exchange she'd had with XH yesterday morning. He blew up at her saying that she hadn't paid enough attention to their mother. This is something that has been brewing for as long as I have known XH and I know that she has replied to him about this before. She just hasn't given him the answer he wanted. She wrote a beautiful response and included an apology to him because she hadn't been able to have warm fuzzy feelings for their mother. X-SIL said that she had really worked to change the personal issues she'd developed because of being an adult child of an alcoholic. She told XH that he had done a very nice job of writing about their mother's "Last Night" and encouraged him to continue journaling because she has found it to be very healing.
I spoke with Jody today. She gave me a couple unexpected insights and some very practical ideas about how to handle the situation tomorrow. The two unexpected insights were:
--when XH criticizes women in his life (e.g. 1st W, a long-time female friend) it likely indicates he thinks that R difficulties are the result of women being challenging.
--if GF#2 is present in a prominent way at the funeral tomorrow it can help XH to get over the hurdle that he has put in his head that GAG does not know about GF#2. But if GAG continues to be friendly and casual and fun after being witness to his R with GF#2, it puts to rest what he might have told himself about whether or not I would still be open to him even after he has been involved with another woman. (Hope that was understandable.)
Thanks everyone for your positive thoughts and prayers.
I am at work this morning and just received an email from Mr. GAG addressed to a small group of people (his sister, BMF, the person giving the eulogy, the pianist (eulogist's W) and ME) asking us to sit up front with the family. Not addressed to GF#2..........Knock me over with a feather! It took my breath away. VERY surprised! I really don't think they would have invited me to sit up front if GF#2 is going to be there too.
Jody and I chatted for ~1 minute about this possibility and she said by all means, sit with the family if asked, so I am going to RSVP now........I'm shaking a little bit. So many emotions today.
