Take The Long Way Home...

[FellOnBlackDays]

BITS,
Not much to report here. I had an appt with my A today. He is pushing me very hard to file before she can. In my state, I can protect myself from claims for support if I can get her out of my life as soon as possible. As I have stated in the past, I am worth about 10 times what she currently is. He spent an hour today explaining to me that if I file now, while she is feeling guilty for leaving, I can save myself thousands of dollars. I am seriously considering doing it. If I file and we use my A to do everything, I can give myself certain protections that I would not get if she brings her own A into the mix. This is very tempting...

I honestly don't know what to do. And, since I have made so many bad choices with my M over the years, my own personal ideas on how to handle the subject will only factor in for a portion of the decision. I have my last DB session tomorrow morning and an appt with my MC tomorrow afternoon. So, here is how I am going to break it down:

FOBD = 25% influence on the decision
My A = 25% influence on the decision
My DB counselor = 25% influence on the decision
My MC = 25% influence on the decision

Majority vote will rule. In the event of a tie, I will let the BITS decide. Yes, I know. This sounds crazy as sh*t!!! But, I honestly don't trust my own judgement these days and I think getting the opinion of as many folks as possible can't hurt.

For months, I have visited this site and professed my unconditional and unrelenting love for my wife. The stunt she pulled on Monday night has just about killed my love completely. In the past days, it has come to my attention that my W has been untruthful with me numerous times in the past couple of months. I just don't know if I can trust her any longer. Yes, I do love my W. I will love my W until the day I die. But, this woman I am dealing with now is not my W. Not even close. Honestly, I have no idea who was sitting on my couch cutting me to pieces just a few nights ago...

Yep, it is time for a new theme song. I think this one is so very appropriate....

Well baby, there you stand
With your little head, down in your hand
Oh, my God, you can't believe it's happening again
Your baby's gone, and you're all alone
and it looks like the end.

And you're back out on the street.
And you're tryin' to remember.
How will you start it over?
You don't know if you can.
You don't care much for a stranger's touch,
But you can't hold your man.

You never thought you'd be alone this far down the line
And I know what's been on your mind
You're afraid it's all been wasted time

The autumn leaves have got you thinking
about the first time that you fell
You didn't love the boy too much, no, no
you just loved the boy to well, Farewell
So you live from day to day, and you dream about tomorrow, oh.
And the hours go by like minutes
and the shadows come to stay
So you take a little something to make them go away
And I could have done so many things, baby
If I could only stop my mind from wondrin' what I left behind and from worrying 'bout this wasted time

Another love has come and gone
And the years keep rushing on
I remember what you told me before you went out on your own:
"Sometimes to keep it together, we got to leave it alone."
So you can get on with your search, baby,
And I can get on with mine
And maybe someday we will find,
that it wasn't really wasted time

Please, heavens above, please don't let this all have been wasted time...

FOBD