So h tells me last night that he might not be able to rent the place he was going to. And when I said "sorry to hear that" he got right pissed off at me because apparently I don't care. He can be such a jerk. I was only try to validate what he was saying. H keeps trying for the pity parties and its annoying. He is living with 2 grown men right now, doesn't have to buy food, pay household bills, or rent and he is whinning to me. All he has to pay is the van payment and insurance and he can't even manage that.
I am sitting here with all the bills, mortgage payment and trying to feed 4 kids. S11 b-day is this week and I don't even have money for a gift, but H is the hard done by one. He needs to man up.
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
Wanda - what's going on lately? I hope son had a good bday last week and you are getting some warmer weather. I hope soon your husband realizes he isn't mad at you, he's mad at himself. He told you he doesn't want your emotionals and care, so he shouldn't get crabby when you are indifferent...
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Well its been awhile since I have written on here. Things have been so crazy I don't know where to start.
I think today was the day h and I realized that this is over. it has been a very sad day. I feel just awful right now. H told me that he is seeing someone else. He told me this about 2 weeks ago. But for the last 2 weeks we have been spending a lot of time together and even having sex.
I have been sorta ok with it even knowing about OW. H has been having some major guilt about it. So last night he decided that he wants to be with OW and things with us must end. we talked a little bit but he is just done.
So OW lives 4 hours away from here and he has gone down there today to spend the week end with her. I actually felt bad for her today because she is thinking that she is starting a new wonderful relationship. Of course it is all started on lies. She thinks H and I have been split up for quite awhile. We of course have not been. I think its only been 45 days now. So H is still not honest and is just looking for the new love rush and is going to take another heart down with him.
I am sad, angry and totally drained today. I do not like this feeling.
During the last couple of weeks H has been quite honest with me about his multiple A. I have cried on my own about them. I thanked him for finally being honest with me. I did feel a bit of a weight lifted off of me after he told me. I guess i always knew he was not faithful but could never prove it. Always felt like I was going crazy. And he would pick fights with me and try to make me feel like the bad wife. Most of the time it worked and i was always second guessing myself.
So now, how the heck do i recover from this and feel better? Its just a sad sad day!!!
Me:35, 2 kids from PR H: 37, 2 kids with me T: 15 years M: 8 years in Feb. Second walk out: 14-01-2011 H had PA: 2007
You can wallow in it for a little bit - pick a couple good friends or close family members who will help you. Find a couple books to read - some about affairs and recovering, others about something you love. When you can, make some goals (I found a bucket list helped - I focused on things I wanted to do and could control, like travel, etc and gave myself the rest of my life to do them No hurry, no sense of failing, just something to start checking off) and write them down....all the same GAL stuff applies. It helps to know you aren't crazy - I know that feeling. Just do the best you can, eat right, exercise, do things you love - they say the best revenge is a life well lived, right?
Faith is, at one and the same time, absolutely necessary and altogether impossible. --Stanislaw Lem
Sorry you are having this experience...I hope in time you see that he's a very troubled, ungiving man. Wants vows to him kept...but not vows he makes...
when my aunt was deserted by my uncle many years ago, for ow, she was devastated. Truly.
He left her while they were overseas and she had to find her way back to the US with two little kids and had $26 with her when she landed at JFK...her MIL took her in for awhile and was ashamed of her son, the h....Oh, and Her ex h married OW and stayed in Europe where child support orders were not yet enforcable...nice...my aunt changed careers from the Foreign Service to teach, so she could be with her children... at half her old pay, never mind her career...
My aunt got her life together eventually. Then One day, 8 years later, OW/wife#2 called my aunt to see if her H, (aunt's ex h) was THERE...b/c he was STILL cheating...even on new wife!!!..
At that moment, my aunt says she felt a huge weight off her shoulders.
Like you, she had suspected and often had those stomach aches and gaslighting fears....
Suddenly in a moment of clarity, she realized that her ex h had done her a favor. She had just had 8 years of NONE OF THAT SICKNESS INSIDE...
Aside from his cheating, he was very unreliable.
She remarried a very different man and was a lot happier then she would have been with her very flawed first h.
So it goes.
At some level you are grieving and missing, what you thought you had, who he might have become...but not who he really was.
That might be mentally helpful to remember, but for now your pain is too raw. I feel for you.
But where the head goes, the heart will, eventually follow.
Let it happen
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
No hurry, no sense of failing, just something to start checking off) and write them down....all the same GAL stuff applies. It helps to know you aren't crazy - I know that feeling. Just do the best you can, eat right, exercise, do things you love - they say the best revenge is a life well lived, right?