The plan kinda deviated, but not so much to show that I had gone through his laptop bag to find the boarding pass.
Basically I got fed up with the amount of garbage coming out of his mouth and said, "so, if we call AA right now, you will have the same number of miles as you did when I picked you up on the 12th?"
"yeah... well, the month may have not caught up yet."
"wrong, it takes about 3 days for miles to show up, give or take. So you had 14k as of last weekend and miles don't show up until you've completed your trip. So if you came back Monday night, you would have more."
"Ok, sure, we can call"
...Remember, I already know there's more than 14k at this point.
So we call, and sure enough there are 15k.
"Well, how do you know I'm not playing mind games and I didn't just purchase more miles to screw with you for looking through my personal stuff."
So this combined with a few other inconsistencies in his various stories (not necessarily to do with his whereabouts, just general back peddling from previous statements), made me do a 180.
My attitude was very different with him. I think I have officially detached. I wasn't angry, I wasn't sad, I wasn't pressuring. I was just... I don't know. I was very fed up and almost sarcastic. I literally laughed at him and said he was “delusional” and “ridiculous”.
And he was strangely receptive. I mean, was he honest? No. I don't know why he's not being honest. And I don't know what good it will be to find out why he's not being honest, because he doesn't seem to even be honest with himself (ex: I called him out on his timeline of how long this has been happening because all of the sudden last night it moved AGAIN from the last year, to the last 2 years. I've also heard he's felt unhappy for the last 6 months, 1.5 years, and everything up to getting engaged back in '07).
But he didn't get defensive. He didn't walk out of the room. He didn't get angry or irritated. He made up more BS, but he tried to pull it off like nothing was happening.
He also said he wanted to build her crib this weekend (it came yesterday) and he plans on going to the baby class on Saturday (the one that I said I'm going to with or without him). Then he read two books to her.
Maybe he also did that because I called him out on the fearing being a father thing.
Again, with the very factual, almost sarcastic, "I'm not taking your BS" tone, I basically said he fears this child, he doesn't want her, he thinks he'll be a lousy dad, and I'm tired of him lying to himself about how he feels.
And again, he was strangely receptive. He denied those things, but he didn't get angry and he didn't shut down.
I did feel bad later in the night though because we talked more about how he felt about being a dad and I could see the tears start to well up. I called him on that too (seeing him begin to get upset), and he quickly changed the topic.
I did try to reassure him that if I thought he was going to be a bad father that I wouldn't have married him. He said he knew.
I picked up Diamond's book on male menopause. It really does describe him well. I've also recently read what becoming a father can do to a man physiologically speaking. I'm wondering if that's affecting anything? But Diamond talks about how men will go from being this very considerate, open, happy man, to someone who is irritable, lies, and is extremely selfish.
And this certainly seems to fit the bill.
I will continue to hold out on the evidence I have the boarding pass (which does incriminate me for being a snoop); however, I have also learned how to look up the flight history on AA's refund website, and that supplied me with the flight out there, when he changed his flight (he was originally going to come back on the 22nd), and then the rebooked flight on the 28th. And it says "Status--used. Ineligible for refund".
So we'll wait for the right time to divulge that information.
So I guess baby steps?? --He did come home. He clearly decided to change the flight one time, so who's to say he hadn't planned on changing it again. But he didn't. --He actually did something for the baby. Again, who knows if this is because I called him out on it, but I've called him out before and all he did was get defensive and moody. --His ADHD medication is being consumed (oh, which he denied he has taken despite the fact that we both counted the pills and 2 are missing now. No one else could be taking them!) --We talked for almost 5 hours last night. And no one got super upset. --I had no desire to call him yesterday and didn't. --He finally said he had no problem with me calling his parents directly instead of him setting up the time to talk for us. --He said he was going to see his therapist today at 9 (but remember, I don't believe most of the crap coming out his mouth, so who knows). --We did both agree that we are not making any major decisions about our relationship until the baby comes, and most likely wait for a few months afterward as well (at least he could recognize those first few months will be hard for both of us).
GOALS: --Continue to keep my knowledge under wraps. He is so delusional and evasive, it will do me no good at this time. This is something best served cold. --Continue to not care about his crap. --Make more plans just for myself
