Had a meeting today with IC, explained what I've been doing with the DBing, asked some questions of him, and did some listening. He's pro-M, and I've told him the goal here is to make M stronger and prevent/survive W's EA.
First, he gave me his version of a 2x4. He said that 9 out of 10 men, even the most easy-going of men, would have serious concerns about the things going on with W. So while it's great I've been focusing on getting myself stronger, we agreed that it's really not reasonable to think I can ignore these things, especially since they come up regularly. One way or another I have to deal with it. Well, hey, I'm not crazy after all.
He suggested that I've made the Nice Guy deal (I'll do what you want and you'll like me) or at least have avoided having this conversation because I fear the fallout.
I told him that as the balance of our M has come back to closer to 50-50 I've felt better about having the conversation - less worried that it might go badly, less worried about the fallout. I feel like I just needed to get to a place where I could have the conversation at all, regardless of how it goes. That's what I've gotten from my 180 / GAL. And that feels good.
He warned that if something IS going on W will resist talking about it. On top of that W clearly avoids talks and feelings as a defense mechanism against something in her life that was very tramatic, so the she's likely to throw up A LOT of obstacles and I have to strong and calm enough to listen and understand but continue on.
I think waiting to have this conversation was good.....but now it's about time.....
