New and saying hello

[~¤DG¤~]

That is a good question to ask myself.

And no, spending time with friends is not out of character for me at all.

[jbnati]

One thing my DB coach told me early on is that I am competing with this idealized lifestyle my WAW has in mind. In DR, it suggests doing some things out of character for the way you are acting now. Think back to when your H first fell in love with you. What worked then? What worked when things were going well?

I struggled myself early on with finding the things I had always wanted to try, but didn't, that I would keep on doing regardless.

[~¤DG¤~]

I wasn't as insecure. We laughed a lot. We had lots of sex.

[jbnati]

Sounds like you may want to look for some 180s / things to GAL that will build your confidence. Also, any contact you have with H, if you can generate the laughter, it would be a good thing.

[~¤DG¤~]

I want to ask him so badly if he is committed to working on this marriage.
Not come home, but at least work on it. I am scared of his response!

[jbnati]

That's hard, and I understand completely. But it's probably best if you don't apply the pressure. It may backfire and push him away. Continue your track of 180s and GAL.

[~¤DG¤~]

I'm trying, I really am.
I pray CONSTANTLY-asking God for strength, to help me get through this.
I hope He is listening because I really want to change my life.

I don't want to be a control freak. I don't want to constantly worry about all the "What If's"
I hate feeling like this!!!!

[jbnati]

Just remember He is listening and He ultimately has a plan for all of this mess.

[Brian in Hville]

I don't want to be a control freak. I don't want to constantly worry about all the "What If's"
I hate feeling like this!!!!

Use that hate and fear to drive yourself to change. Whenever I might start reverting back, I ask myself..Do you ever want to feel like that again? Do you ever want to lose what you love again? Do you want to be happy for the rest of your life?

Ask God for peace as well. It has really helped me.

[Queen_of_Swords]

The need to control and peace of mind cannot exist together.

Which do you want more?

in general, controlling people truly feel out of control internally and they try to control their environment and others to regain a sense of peace and security.