MLC Purgatory

[meganna]

Peace, thanks for asking. The talk did not go well. I don't even know where to begin. He said something about how we got here and I asked how is that? He kept saying "you know, you know" and then finally told me (for the first time) that I rejected him physically, emotionally and every time he wanted to go on a "guys weekend" it was a fight. I don't feel I ever rejected him emotionally, if anything it was the reverse, but he's right about the sexually. It began when our first D was born, and she was colicky, extremely needy, didn't sleep unless someone was holding her, and I was beyond exhausted and got little help or support from H. I begged him to help and support me, but he always looked out for himself first. So yes, I resented it and plus I was so tired all the time and just "touched out" from holding a baby all the time. D didn't start sleeping through the night for over a year and the I got pregnant with D2, and the exhaustion started all over again. When he would complain about not getting enough sex, I would let him know that if he would help me more I would have more energy for him, but he didn't make any effort. I'm not saying we never had sex during all this time, but it was sporadic. Shortly after the Bomb was dropped I apologized for him feeling rejected, because I knew he did, not because he told me so, and he said he didn't feel personally rejected, he felt there was something wrong with me.

Anyway, back to our convo, so now he changes his tune and I've hurt him so badly by rejecting him and he feels the R is done. I brought up divorce, and he said he doesn't want to do that yet because it's "scary." Earlier in the convo I asked what this separation means in terms of certain things, one of them being if we're free to date other people. He said no. He still wears his wedding ring. He has given absolutely no thought to the specifics of divorce. He swears he is not talking to OW anymore. He is in IC weekly and they talk about us, the kids, and his childhood issues with his dad/parents. He sees no correlation between our situation and his personal issues. He denies MLC because that would mean this is all his fault. He says I've never really "gotten" him. I'm sure there's a ton I'm forgetting but I've got to get the kids to preschool right now.