My husband and I are separated. There are alot of reasons for the separation! We got together very young and never grew together or learned to be really honest with each other about what we were really feeling. It caused a lot of resentment and hard feelings which ultimately caused my husband to start an A.
He said that he was in love with the OW and that he did not want to work on our marriage. I'm devastated that he didn't even want to try as we have a child. I believe in marriage and I know that we just didn't put our marriage as a priority. We both thought that you get married and work things out the same as dating - totally wrong (hindsight).
We still see each other almost everyday and text and talk frequently. After he had been gone from our home for about a week we started to be intimate again. I am struggling with this. I really want to be intimate with him and we are having a great time! However, is this detrimental for the DBing? My husband is an extremely sexual person and I feel like if I don't continue with the intimacy that he will truly move on and have no interest in saving our marriage.
Will someone please help me with this? I want to make the best decisions for the long run. I'm going crazy second guessing myself.
People have various opinions about having sex with an estranged spouse. All I will say is that if you are doing it strictly because you don't want to lose him then perhaps you shouldn't be doing it. Also, I am sure you are smart about this but I hope you are using protection, especially if he could be sleeping with the OW.
I'm pretty new here myself so I apologize I don't have as much advice as some of the vets on this board do.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Thanks for the reply! I am not doing it just to get him back...I enjoy it as well, but I don't want it to ruin my DB efforts. I'm just so confused about all of this and I don't know which way to go.
I am GAL and going out and doing things on the weekends. I do not bring up any R talks and I avoid mention of the OW at all costs, but this sex thing is where the real sticking point is and I"m not sure what to do about it.
UGH!!! I never thought we would be going through this and I just don't know the best way to handle it.
I'm sorry that you are going through this as well...are things going any better in your sitch??
Me: 31 H: 30 Kids: D9 Together almost 12 years Married almost 5 years EA began: 8/10 Separated: 3/11
So...yesterday was a very trying day! I told my husband that I thought it was best if he started seeing my daughter at his house instead of at ours. I don't know if this was the best thing to do or not as it seemed we had been going in the right direction. He had even mentioned what might happen "if he were to come back".
However, I did some snooping and found out that he is sleeping with the OW and has introduced her to his family. I know I shouldn't have been snooping, but I really just need to know how things are progressing with the OW. I don't want to be used if he has truly moved on.
I just don't know what to do anymore...can someone please HELP?!?! Why would he be talking about "if he came back" and trying to be intimate with me, but introducing his new woman to his mother?!?!?! I'm so confused about all of this and I would really appreciate any advice that anyone can give.
Me: 31 H: 30 Kids: D9 Together almost 12 years Married almost 5 years EA began: 8/10 Separated: 3/11
Ya know...it's funny. I did ALOT of reading on the site yesterday and I'm coming to realize that everything I have been doing (except for the GAL) has been for H's benefit. I have been so focused on getting him to come back home that I have not taken the time to really focus on me and what makes ME happy. From what I have been reading, it's important to let go and move on "as if" I completely agree that the marriage is over, but to quietly keep working on the changes that need to be made in me. Am I reading that correctly...is that the whole basis??
I know that I probably sound erratic, but this is all so hard and I just never know if I am doing things right or not. I'll do really well for a little while and then I fall right back into the same old habits.
My H and I have been together since we were 19 and I really want to stay married, but my H is with someone else now and I have to accept that he is "happy" and unwilling to come home so that I can move on and truly begin a new life with or without him.
I'm hurting today as I just feel like it is all slipping through my fingers and there is nothing that I can really do about it...does everyone else feel that way too??
I would really appreciate it if someone could get back with me...I need some guidance!!
Hope ya'll are having good days
Me: 31 H: 30 Kids: D9 Together almost 12 years Married almost 5 years EA began: 8/10 Separated: 3/11
Thanks for the reply! I am not doing it just to get him back...I enjoy it as well, but I don't want it to ruin my DB efforts. I'm just so confused about all of this and I don't know which way to go.
I am GAL and going out and doing things on the weekends. I do not bring up any R talks and I avoid mention of the OW at all costs, but this sex thing is where the real sticking point is and I"m not sure what to do about it.
UGH!!! I never thought we would be going through this and I just don't know the best way to handle it.
I'm sorry that you are going through this as well...are things going any better in your sitch??
My sitch seems to vary. Actually, it's me that seems to vary. I am all over the place emotionally, as you are as well.
I think you need to detach from him as much as possible. Keep all interactions business like, but not rude, and don't talk about your M
Also, as hard as it is (and I am the worlds biggest hypocrite for saying this) but stop snooping. I know you want answers, but does it make you feel any better? I am guessing it probably makes you feel worse. We have to remind ourselves that we are only in control of ourselves and our happiness.
Just take things day by day, keep reading threads on this site (I do constantly) and most of all realize that YOU are an amazing human being.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
