Recovering after a same sex affair - Part 4

[sparks14]

Will start out with some positive GAL, because I have really been working on myself. When my son was born seven months ago, I weighed the most I have ever weighed. 230. Since then (and especially in the last two months), I have been shredding the weight. I am now an improving 192. 38 pounds lost and going. I am also now below our wedding weight that I previously worked so hard to get to. Somebody else has taken notice as well, but I really don't care. This is for me.

Had couples therapy last night, but I haven't been in the mood to journal it. I am going to give it a shot, but it may be an abridged version.

Therapist started by telling us both that last week was a really tough session. She wanted to help improve our communication, so she asked that neither of us interrupt each other and that she would be reminding us if it happens. I was happy to hear this, as I am really looking forward to developing communication. I had asked about working on it through her last week, but our therapist said we would have to hold off on it for now, because my W's anger would prevent it from really happening.

Since the parenting coordinator was the main source of pain and frustration last week, I figured it would come back again. I was prepared for the worst this time and prepared myself to really listen and validate my W without arguing. I started off by throwing a 180 at my W. I told her that I knew how important it was for her to see the coordinator. I had not offered in the past to help find anybody, because I honestly did not know that W was looking for help. I told her that I understood W is trying to put the needs of our S in the forefront and that is appreciated. I told her that I would be more than willing to help her find somebody to meet in a collaborative manner.

My W then pulled out her notes, laughed, and told us that the very long statement that she prepared was now meaningless. (I smiled.) She asked to go ahead and read it anyway, since it was important to her. It was more of the same regarding the coordinator. Nothing really new.

We spent nearly the entire session talking about our feelings in the matter. This time, however, it was much more civil. I think both of us listened to each other instead of arguing. We talked about each other's fears (rational or irrational). We recognized where they come from. We just got it out there in the open. In the end, I told my W that I would be willing to meet with somebody and really listen to what they have to say.

I am still worried that this person will simply tell us that our S would best be suited in the full physical custody of my W at this stage. That scares me to death. I hope they consider other options, but I know that my W will take that info and run with it if they do. I am already feeling that our couples therapist is pushing that as well, which I am not cool with.

Spent the day with my still sick (although hopefully improving) S and also have him tonight. I just can't imagine a situation where he is not an active part of my life. This terrifies me.