Amazing things happening in my home. First of all, thanks, JTJ, you are right about the withholding thing. I devoured Patricia Evans' book about Verbal Abuse and also read Why does he do that? about angry and controlling men. I determined that my husband felt entitled, as the husband and unfortunately, I catered to him over the years because of my codependency (my mom had an addiction problem when I was very young and I was neglected, thus the pattern). But something amazing happened. I had been looking at sites for local divorce lawyers and my teenage son spotted the history and broke down in sobs. I told him honestly that marriage was very hard and I was sorry. Then I had to be honest with my husband about why my son was so upset. I told him honestly how unhappy I had been for at least the last 10 years and how alone and abused I felt. He was stunned, he said he thought I had been as happy as he was!!? (In thinking about this he was happy in our marriage because it was a copy of his parents' marriage. My MIL complained to her daughters that her husband didn't touch her sexually for 25 years!) So my husband actually apologized to me and we have begun listening to a set of CDs by a Christian marriage counselor named Jimmy Evans, Marriage on the Rock. It is amazingly straight forward and Jimmy constantly talks about what a jerk he was until God healed their marriage. And, God is healing ours, at least it seems that way. We shall see. But I know my son needs a stable home and I need to feel loved and cared for instead of alone and abused. I am so thankful for the last few years of seeing a psychologist or I wouldn't have had the guts to finally speak up. I had tried over the years to let him know how unhappy I was but he would twist things around and put the blame back on me or give me the silent treatment Now he seems to be open to listening. Last night he even admitted what a selfish, detached male he had been in our marriage! I am praying this open communication will continue!
