Looking for BITS. I'm OnMyWay

[OnMyWay]

Had an hour long discussion with WAW on phone (we had done some text fighting last night). I spent part of the time apologizing and some more time just trying to thaw the ice burg a little. For the sake of our daughter, we need to be able to communicate better. We both gave each other the courtesy of letting the other explain their side a little. I MUST do a better job of controlling my anger, but I keep messing that up.

She stated she's worried about me being angry and I stated my case of how I don't really feel I can trust her. She seemed to be receptive to this discussion and we both kind of agreed we would try to work together a little better.

We spent some time discussing our sitch, with regards to our stuff. We are considering "liquidating" our life (selling off furniture, etc.), just to make things easier when/if the Big "D" comes our way. We can use the $$$ to reduce debt, help her pay for summer school, get me in a position of move on/GAL. This did open the door for me to give her the ol' "You know I understand you feel this is over, but this is not what I want" talk.

She has been trying to separate herself from me by getting her own car insurance, etc. Plus, she just found out she can't get money for school during summer semester, so things will begin to get interesting for her. Wonder how that will play out. Could go either way - she could see my value, or it could end up all being my fault. Don't think that is my problem, though. She did reinforce that she doesn't believe we can ever be good again. I agreed with her that she does feel this way and informed her that wasn't what I wanted. She agreed that she didn't want it either, but this is how it worked out.

I'll see her tonight for a minute (she's with D8 now at home, but will leave when I get there afterwork). Then, I think it is time to go dark until Saturday, when I will see her again next. That will give me a couple of days to try (again) to get my head screwed on straight and be in the right frame of mind for next time I see her. I've just got to get this right at some point. I've got to stop being mad at her for doing all this. I'm just having a hard time forgiving her for breaking up our family.