I don't think I know exactly where my boundaries are. But I realize that my daughter must come first.
Having said that, and knowing the statistics on divorce and how the only time it is beneficial to a child is when there is significant abuse, I am going to continue to DB for now. And I think I will lay low on the fact that I have this information.
I still plan on keeping all of my records in the event that we do divorce, I will need all the evidence I can to get everything I need to take care of my child. But I will not divulge what I have, at least not at this time.
I am going to give him ample opportunity to tell me anything he wants to tell me. I still love the person I married (however, I do NOT love who ever has taken over his body and possessed him), and I want my daughter to know that person.
GOALS: -Lay low on my knowledge. -Continue to take care of myself and my child. -Be slightly unavailable and VERY busy. -Continue to not initiate conversations (unless they are of a logistical nature), but be receptive if he starts them. -Continue not to care about his bank account, email, or location as they can all be covered up and lied about anyway, so why bother investigating. -Help H find himself again.
I was able to schedule an appointment with my IC today. And I told the MC to let me know if ANY appointment becomes available between now and the 11th (I even said I would take a half day to be there).
The thing I am sure of is there must be consequences to his behaviors. I do not know what they are though. Like I had said in my previous post, my first reaction is to yank his daughter away from him and leave him in the dust. But I do not think this is what I ultimately want. In the mean time, I will begin taking measures to prepare myself for a possible divorce (find a place to stay, save money, know when I need to leave, keep records of all behaviors I CAN prove, etc.)
I do not know what happened in California. I do not know why he went or why he lied about it. I do not know what he wants out of all of this (and I don't think he knows either).
I do know that he lied. I do know that this most likely has nothing to do with me. I do know that I will be fine, no matter what the outcome is. And I do know that if the man I married comes back from the dead (because that's how I feel right now... like he has died and someone has his body), I want to be with him and have our daughter know that man.
And if I have to go through hell learning how to trust again in order to get my H back to the way he was, then that is the sacrifice I'm willing to make for my family. I will pay for years of therapy in order to give my daughter the life she deserves: a life with an unbroken family unit that is happy and healthy.
