How will his parent's passing affect my MLCer?

[goodattitudegirl]

I can't tell everyone how VERY grateful I am for your very kind, thoughtful, and insightful feedback!!!!!! I have been trying to find time to reply and let you all know how VERY much your comments meant to me. It's been a whirlwind of activity. I am helping XH and X-SIL with music and a memory board (a poster with photos of X-MIL) for the funeral on friday along with ordering a flower arrangement from my family and everything else.

You all saved me yesterday. The spinning and pinballing has stopped and I am moving forward today and have the right frame of mind to DB with XH and his sister AND at the funeral. I really can't find the words to express how much you all helped me, but I will try......

MHL, I read your post while in clinic yesterday morning and as I read your words I could feel my entire body relax. Can't tell you how much that meant to me. As always, your post was filled with wisdom. I think you are correct in that I have just had a glimpse into what it feels like to be an MLCer and it isn't pretty. Thanks for that insight. It is helping me to be more loving with XH today.

ust a gentle hug to be given today along with a reminder that any "insight" you might think you have is seriously affected by the emotions you are feeling right now.

While I like what you wrote to your XH, now is not the time to dance around observations and analyzations of who he is, how he was, and anything else like that.

Come here, journal, vent, whatever but stop trying to figure out the long range implications of your X-MIL passing.

Remember you can't see the forest because of the trees right now........If you move around too much you might get lost.

I will tell you that standing out here looking in at your situation..........Things look pretty good as far as your R goes with your XH.

Thank you for all of these ^^^^^^^^^^^^ and for your friendship!

9lives, it really helped me to read that you have gone through a similar situation and how it turned out for you.

Rabbit, as always I appreciate your wit and wisdom and for telling me it is normal to feel grief/concern over possibly losing a thread with XH.

. Look absolutely amazing and believe me no-one will even notice GF2 and if they do they will wonder why H doesnt have the brains to see what he is missing out in not being with you.

I am planning to do this and now that I have had my meltdown I can begin DBing again in a calm and loving way.

One biggy STOP MIND READING NOW! Absolutely everything is in a state of UNREAL, just be your best and that will be enough.

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers.

Pei, thank you for your very kind words. It means a lot to me.

Cas, I hope that you know how very much I appreciate your encouragement and support. We will continue to encourage one another through our situations. Onward!!!!!!!!

Antonia, when I read what you wrote I could feel my body relaxing again. You gave me permission to be human and that was a very loving gift. I thank you for that. You are correct. It seems that everything that happens does influence our situations.

Cadet, thank you for your very wise words.

I think what you must keep sight of is that whatever you do with Mr. GAG as far as DB'ing you must have NO EXPECTATIONS.

I think you have been nicely paving the way with him, but he is still in crisis. And this event is an unknown with him, the MLC'er must sink to rock bottom before they start back up again. It is never smoooth and easy no matter what we all do...........ater down the road you can see what it all means..............I am sure you will keep DB'ing because once we learn these skills we never let them go.

I think I need to print these posts and put them in my purse for the funeral.

(((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))

GAG

P.S. There have been a number of email exchanges between XH, X-SIL and me regarding funeral preparations. X-SIL shared with me a convo she and XH have been having about being adult children of alcoholics and how that has affected her life. I will see them both tonight for the weekly TT game and then dinner and planning afterward. I scheduled a session with Jody for 5pm on thursday to prepare mentally for the funeral.