Hey Islander, I feel your pain man. You and 9. My own W wants to be "friends" (well, wanted to be, I think I pissed her off enough a couple months ago, she kinda doesn't want to be "friend" right now... lol). She comes in for support and then disappears, literally seconds later with attitude and appearance that I didn't even exist. It's absolutely bizarre!
And ouch... how they can just dig and twist the knife for every last drop. Yeah, it hurts. And in the moment, there's no doubt they're doing it on purpose. But as they are used to re-writing history (as WASs do), they re-write those parts as well, faster than you saw it coming. Moments after they twist the knife and you can see the smile in their face as they appreciate the pain in yours, it's like a switch goes off and they don't even remember, they really doubt and deny they just did that.
I think (really) that it is some form of human defense condition. They hurt when they are hurting us, they hurt us because they hurt, because they are angry, and they want us to know, but then they snap and don't remember it because they really are good people, and of course want to be those good people, so there is no way their minds can wrap around the truth that they just did that "to us".
So as others remind us, they do not do things "to us". We are only victims if we allow ourselves to be, if we believe we are. The moment we realize that we can control ourselves and we can stop being victims (and better at this with time and practice), it just doesn't hurt as much any more. Nerve endings generally do not grow back where the scars remain.
