[AntoniaB]

I caught myself doing it with a friend today because she is dating for the first time after about a year and a 17 year rel. and she is seeing a guy who is fairly emotionally detached/afraid to commit, wants to see her once every 10 days only.

He offered to "squeeze her in to a full day tomorrow" and said he'd call her and she said she thinks he should cancel a dinner with friends to spend time with her, and since he won't, she is ready to deliver this ultimatum: "unless you can't be there for me more and pay more attention to me I don't want to see you at all."

I said, umm, you're going to drive him away. Why don't you just say "I can't see you then--I have plans--so let me know when you're free for a longer period and we can get together."

She said "that's playing a game." I said "but the ultimatum is not a game? It's not manipulation?"

So I tried to teach her how to DB but she wasn't having it ;-)