Today was actually a real good day until my brother decided to send me a text about a married couple that were about to split. I lost a lot of concentration in class and had to leave early.
But the good news is that I really know that Jamie misses me already. The day after I broke all contact with me, she all of a sudden decided to call me to come and help fix the furnace where she was staying. We sat and had a half hour conversation about nothing. We also had a good laugh thanks to our 7 year old daughter.
She has also been visiting every day for short periods and we are going to take the kids to the skating rink together tomorrow afternoon. Friday we are also going out, without kids, to a movie that I wanted to see that was filmed in my home town. We haven't been to a movie alone together since 2004.
I really am scared about this because I don't really want to move too fast and have her think I am a acting fake. Actually I have started acting like I did when we started dating, I have been witty, cracking jokes again, and actually cannot sleep without cuddling a pillow.
Needless to say, I know it will be a lot longer before I can ever totally gain her trust again. She was broken when I met her and never truly healed from her previous boyfriend which beat her. I talked to her and she is working on coming to terms with the past so that she can live in the here and now. I am really rooting for her silently and praying that she can pull through. I can only imagine what she has been through.
I have been reading plenty too and am seeing the same counselor for my own depression and anger issues. Hopefully I can completely heal myself because I am so afraid right now that the way I feel is just a mask of my emotions, but, I do feel a lot more like my old self. This all came with a lot of reading and plenty of self revelation.
Our counselor is pro-marriage. She believes that only the couple can truly decide when it is over. I also asked her about her marriage and family life and she came back without hesitation that she has been married for 14 happy years. She also had a good relationship with both parents, which also never been divorced. We are starting individual marriage counseling on Monday and the counselor will evaluate when we will be able to work together on our marriage.
By the way, I am 32 (I think), Jamie is 29, married 8-14-2004, Together 11-22-1999, D7, D3, W announced I need some time to think and left on 3-21-11.
