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[Queen_of_Swords]

TrueGriiter

She has not dealt with the pattern of behavior that her childhood trauma has brought on. She will likely not have that awakening until she has a great deal of therapy.

I am dealing with a broken woman and I know that. My desire is not to add to the cracks in her soul...

and, God willing,

Be able to share the mended person she might be.

So what is her first step toward that?

I am so with you here buddy. My H. has had significant trauma in his life. He recognises mine, but refuses to recognise his own, although I see little glimmers of acknowledgment now and then.

At this stage though, I'm trying to forget about H. He's not part of my life by his choice. So perhaps just letting go is best.

[Truegritter]

Hey TG. With all your help over in NC I saw your thread here and just wanted to check in. I got caught up on your sitch. It is amazing how similar so many of these situations are.

Thanks for stopping by Country!

Yup. This is my home.

My stuff is out there. For you and anyone who has the patience to read.

It is a long story for sure...

[punkin]

TG! How ya doin? You sound pretty emotionally scrambled at this point. Things are starting to sound like the plot for a movie starring Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock, and Meg Ryan. The question is, which one is playing You?? Just kiddin'

One R at a time is confusing enough for me, and although I don't know your history with XW, perhaps you might give that another looksy? Maybe she's been DB'ng all this time just waiting for her chance??? Now THERE"s your movie plot.

Not making fun of your dilemma, just wanted to make you smile. You don't sound like you are smiling much lately. And you have a very nice smile.

[Truegritter]

Hey Pun!

I am doing really great actually.

I am very secure with my feelings and thoughts about all this stuff.

The old TG? Would have been spinning a bit.

I don't know what exW wants and it doesn't matter at this point.

I just want to make sure she doesn't upset the apple cart with my parents and get them all confused.

Otherwise I am just living my life!

[cat04]

I don't know what exW wants and it doesn't matter at this point.

I just want to make sure she doesn't upset the apple cart with my parents and get them all confused.

Well my friend,

I was with you right up until this statement.

DB101, Grit. DB101.

What can you control?

XW is gonna say what she wants, and your parents are gonna react in kind.

YOU can't do anything about that, EXCEPT state your feelings about it and let them choke on it for a while.

You don't have to tell me what you want there, I already know that answer...

Get back to basics and remember what we have beaten into your head for the last year.

I really don't want to go through THAT again.

BUT, I will

[Truegritter]

DB101, Grit. DB101.

What can you control?

No so fast my friend!

I am not seeking to control.

I am considering communicating a boundary.

She is calling me. She is inviting me to do things with her. She is inviting my parents to do things with her. She MAY call my parents.

I am married.

The only difference is my W does not live with me right now.

If my W were living with me would this be acceptable to me or my W?

No f@cking way!

So why should it be now? Why does she consider it OK to do this?

Selfish motives? Lack of respect for me, my W and my family?

Does she apply the same morality to my marriage to my W as she had in our first M?

Does see me as that weak of a man?

Doesn't matter but it does matter to me that she is doing it.

Not control. But communicationg my feelings about this is what I AM considering.

What she does with it is HER choice.

[cat04]

Good.

Remember, she may call them and they may respond. They are grown ups...

Is it fair to your W?

That is debatable.

Not because of the state of your M...

Because I know many many people, families, who remain close to the X...

And the new person either deals with it well or deals with it badly...

Although that hasn't exactly been the case, your XW may now be missing your parents. Their call...

All you can do is express your thoughts and feelings, and see where the chips fall...

And your W, may or may not have to accept it as well...

[ninelives]

Grit.

Trying to catch up on your old threads and they are so interesting but soooo busy at school.

Not really sure what I can offer you in the way of advice, thats like Brady Quinn offering Joe Montana a game plan.

Just letting you know that I am thinking about you wishing the best for you.

9

[Truegritter]

And your W, may or may not have to accept it as well...

Ayep!

Not looking to save her from that or what she has already expressed:

My friends (didn't feel like she fit in)
My family (never felt accepted)
Her friends (treated her badly)

I said I can't help you with any of that except that I would ask you a question:

Was it YOU who was showing up? Is that who YOU are?

If so then you have nothing to worry about just keep being you.

And you will not have a problem.

I thought I heard her scratching her head on the other end of the phone.

Maybe it was my imagination...

Could have been that telltale song from that elusive cuckoo who needs to get back in his clock.

Dunno.

9 you are certainly brave to be reading that saga of mine.

I see a lot of similarities in your sitch so if it helps you keep reading my friend.

That's what it is there for.

[cat04]

I thought I heard her scratching her head on the other end of the phone.

Maybe it was my imagination...

I doubt it was your imagination...

I have been around these boards to long, to believe it didn't happen...

You know, my grandfather had a cuckoo clock, that I loved as a child. Loved. I would sit in the living room as it got close to the hour, and wait for it to go off.

I am beginning not to like them so much as I envision it now with every nutty MLC story I read.