Bobby -- how long have you been DBing? If it's just been days or a couple of weeks, then you have to give it some time, bro. The book says about 2-3 weeks before you see some kind of changes. If things are still negative or getting worse, then time to take stock.
Another thing to consider is your wife may be acting cold and distant because y'all are still in the same house. My wife and I were in the same living situation for months and she finally couldn't take it anymore, because she felt like there was no privacy, no way to "mourn".
BTW, DO NOT use your boys as aid in this, for whatever reason.
