The year of not my problem

[AJM]

Thanks guys and gals. I have actually offered it several times in the past, and at the suggestion of the therapist didn't force it. At the same time, I can force it and I know that, but I am concerned about the damage that might do at the same time.
I am meeting with a professional tomorrow (my pastor who is also a family therapist.)
Good question by the way. Am I worried she will choose her mom? Not really. That's not the concern I have here. I think she will choose her mom anyway - think of it like this: for the past several years she has had little relationship with her mom. Her mom was too focused on other things. That's what I mean when I say I was the sole parent. She was around from time to time, but not really parenting or available. She was wrapped up in her own life to the exclusion of others including the kids. Certainly the kids ranked above me in the order of things, but that's not saying much in the big picture. The kids know that. They came to me before I was aware of what she was doing and told me they missed their mom. That's when I became aware of what she was about to do because it led to the discussion. I'd do that again in a flat minute because I knew the risks (I knew something was up, but didn't know what and knew she had a lot on her plate. I knew that adding something about come back to spend time on your kids would be adding more stress to her) and know that I did the right thing.
As far as the choices I make, I am not worried about me and I am not worried my daughter will choose her mom. I expect she will and has. That's ok with me in the sense that I cannot control that without possibly causing my daughter more emotional harm. Am I coddling her? I did for a while but that stopped a long time ago. It's just that I am aware of the dynamic and the situation. I almost feel like I have to let her go to get her back if that makes sense.
She has been on a path to idolize her mom and to make me the bad guy seems par for the course in that sense. It's not just me that's noticed this trend - my friends have as well as her friends. I suspect my daughter is trying so hard to please her mother and win her affection that her behavior really doesn't surprise me other than the timing.
Consequences are important. I have a role to play in her life still and will do so. Asking for help in figuring this out is more about not damaging the child. Knowing that although it may be distasteful or painful to me, it is the right thing to do. That is and always has been my promise to my children and I will not stop now even though the dynamic is different. I am and always have been responsible for my own actions and the raising of my children - the stbx's leaving and subsequent "nuttiness" (pistachio?) don't relive me of that responsibility.

Thanks for the feedback guys and gals. It is very helpful to me.

AJ