CS- this was one of the first posts I saw when I came to the site! I remember thinking, well, that's someone with a ton of strength, courage, and forgiveness. Amazing discipline. Though I don't know if I'd choose that strategy myself, I really admire that kind of internal strength in a person.
How do we know if it's working? I don't think we ever know 100%. To me it is the UNCERTAINTY that is so painful. Heck, I don't even know 100% if my W is having an EA with her boss. I want to KNOW. And that sometimes leads me to do dumb things, like inititate OR talks, looking for reassurance - which, as you know, always ends badly for me. I'll even do things that would push her towards this other guy, because sometimes it feels like KNOWING she was in an EA would be easier than NOT KNOWING. Uncertainty causes anxiety, causes me to go looking for certainty and control over the situation. I wish I had the discipline to sit down with the pain of uncertainty and endure it, when that would be my choice. I'm learning, and it's a struggle. I think we need to find the thing that gives us internal strength.
