I haven't seen this many typos in one of your posts in a long time...
OMG I am turning into Jack!
Thanks Cat and GAG.
Originally Posted By: Cat
What does reconciliation look like for you?
What do you need to see and hear?
This is THE question isn't it?
I think the first and most important thing is a desire to do so.
Enough of a desire to overcome her fear of failure.
Her fear that I won't accept her back and her fear that can not be the kind of spouse that our M deserves.
Because of her past trauma I think it will be very hard for her not to choose to be the victim again.
I think that is the hinge that will turn this thing.
I have always told her when she starts to be down on herself and what she has chosen, that she says she can't be the kind of person that I would want to be with...
That it is my choice and thst if I see someone TRYING then that was the most important thing.
If I see her desire for this and that she is trying, and commited I think I could put myself at risk.
I have thought a lot about this lately. And I think Jack is right. It isn't going to go like some fantasy in my head.
Where she comes begging me to take her back.
She has not dealt with the pattern of behavior that her childhood trauma has brought on. She will likely not have that awakening until she has a great deal of therapy.
I am dealing with a broken woman and I know that. My desire is not to add to the cracks in her soul...
and, God willing,
Be able to share the mended person she might be.
So what is her first step toward that?
IDK exactly.
I know when I think of R or when I did before I told myself I would have to be 100% sure she was not going to be the person she was.
I think you will never have all of those questions answered before you have to decide to risk yourself again.
I understand now how piecing can be tougher than the LBS stage.
At the LBS stage you pretty much have all the facts and it is only accepting them and dealing with them.
The future? F@cking scary as hell.
But something I am prepared to face.
As patiently as I can.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
