Finding myself ever so slightly slipping today - not that I have done anything stupid or anything - just that I'm noticing my mind spending to much time listening to fearful thoughts and not enough believing powerful thoughts, so I figured I'd better take a little break and neutralize here for awhile.
Haven't heard back from Beckie yet after she asked me what I got out of the sessions, I'm thinking I MIGHT call her on her way to work in a few hours, haven't decided for sure on that or not...
Mostly I just want to capture and remember some of the more empowering thoughts and feelings I've been having lately. Like actually believing she's every bit as lucky, if not even luckier to have me than I am to have her.
Feels a little strange to me saying it like that, but the fact is I am feeling and doing WAY better for myself when I just keep on focusing on the great things I am doing and NOT checking my emails or her facebook updates every 20 minutes.
Gotta keep my head and heart out of the dangerous space.
SO what's true and awesome and wonderful and STUPENDOUS LIKE STUPENDOUS MAN is the awesome work I've got going on in my business right now.
Oh my gosh I'm so excited to see what will unfold even in the next few weeks. I mean I've been working on this stuff for years and I have no doubt now I'm mere inches from the motherload.
Ahhhh. That feels better.
Keep up!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Patience is...waiting to see positive change, after you have positioned yourself for a positive outcome.
Patience is but one skill in the toolbox. We have to use the tools we have while acquiring and developing new ones.
My biggest challenge is positioning myself for success and evaluating if I have done so.
Thank you, Just. That was exactly what I needed to hear right now.
So Dr. Seuss once wrote a book called "My Many Colored Days"... For me, today is feeling awfully gray.
Just got off the phone with Beckie. We actually chatted for a good 30 minutes, but it really felt like all the sparks are long, lost and far away gone for her.
The worst part of it is, I am starting to feel a real loss of passion for her, as well. For me it has now been almost 5 months of daily DBing, and now we're closer to the divorce than when we started.
And although she is saying the last thing in the world she wants right now is to start a new relationship, I'm sure dating is just around the corner for her, and then I'm gonna have all those feelings to deal with as well...
<greatest of sighs>
Good news is, I was just over there on Country's thread again and said I'd post my goals, and thinking of that makes me want to b*tch-slap (AWESOME! I have never used that word before!) my negative mind and tell it to stop it's whining.
Just observe and state what it is. Be neutral. Gather information. Assess. Evaluate. Decide.
So to balance what I fear, here is what I want:
1. Ultimate Personal Goal: I am netting $24,000 per month on May 25th, 2011 2. Next Personal Milestone Towards My Goal: Finish marketing piece.
3. Ultimate Relationship Goal: An outdoor wedding ceremony on Georgian Bay August 9th, 2011 4. Next Relationship Milestone Along The Way: A commitment to get together and have some fun sometime next month.
So I've got my negative mind trying to protect me, telling me to bail out so that I don't get any more pain...
I've got my positive mind serving up creative possibilities, trying to get me feeling pleasure...
And I've got my neutral mind asking what is real, and reminding me of my purpose.
Right now my purpose is still to be the very best husband I can be.
So my decision is I need to call her and tell her that in the morning. For me.
Right now she appears distant but not completely unresponsive...I'm feeling I need to try reeling her back in a little and see where it might lead.
'twas a hard day today.
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Pounded the following into my keyboard. after I had read it...
-----------------
Okay okay okay God stick a fork in me I'm done I get it!!!
I didn't hear her needs! I didn't listen! I wasn't there for her! I didn't appreciate her! I simply wasn't doing it for her even though I knew and even though she even kept on telling me over and over and over again! And still I didn;t get it even though I knew it! I knew! I know! I know I know I know I know!
WHAT NOW!?
Lord Oh Lord please help me be that better man and friend she needs right now!
Please help us find our way back into each other's arms!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
Just got off the phone with Beckie. We actually chatted for a good 30 minutes, but it really felt like all the sparks are long, lost and far away gone for her.
The worst part of it is, I am starting to feel a real loss of passion for her, as well. For me it has now been almost 5 months of daily DBing, and now we're closer to the divorce than when we started...
So to balance what I fear, here is what I want...
4. Next Relationship Milestone Along The Way: A commitment to get together and have some fun sometime next month.
...Right now she appears distant but not completely unresponsive...I'm feeling I need to try reeling her back in a little and see where it might lead.
'twas a hard day today.
SHAZAM!!! Abra Cadabra! As we speak, so we create! Instant manifestation!
This morning all I have to say is...
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF CLEAR GOALS!!!
Last night I noticed I was teetering on the brink of despair. I remembered there is always a choice about the meaning that I give to things. I immediately put myself in a more positive frame of mind, and set myself another goal.
"Get together with Beckie in April"
Within 2 hours of setting that goal, Beckie and I were planning a caribbean rendezvous together for sometime in April! It was awesome we were laughing and joking about it and now she's all talkative and excited!
DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF CLEAR GOALS!!!
This is another awesome win for me. Another example of her turning. Even if she decides not to go, I've definitely got her thinking about us again and smiling.
And more importantly I am smiling too because I'm believing she's gonna come and have some fun!
Woo Hoo!
I am being the possibility of:
1) Integrity 2) Loving myself completely. 3) Things flowing naturally between us, without any fear or attachment to the outcome.
That is great news, Busting! W wanting to travel with you is very positive. Keep the pressure off her but allow her to stay committed to the plans. Keep it up, man. You are doing awesome!
Me - 33 W - 33 S - 9 months M - 3 years T - 5.5 years Bomb - 12/14/10 ILYBNILWY PA discovered - 1/18/11 PA began - 3/22/10 Separated
Hey my friend - just checking in to see how you are doing!
BITS
M: 48, H: 42 Kids: 0 T: 20 yrs M: 16 yrs. (H's 1st, my 2nd) WAS/MLC: 12/7/09-I'm not the wife HE deserved Came home per L: 12/26/09, Left again: 2/6/10 Served: 10/21/10, D FINAL: 6/15/11
