MLC for dummies - for the newbies in MLCland

[angel61]

All of us LBS have our own struggle, our own journey while our MLC'er goes on theirs too.

When we first get bombed, we have to deal with how our LBS trampled on our pride, slapped our faces with their A's, we get angry and react, rect, react. And then we try to control the situation - try to set boundaries, giveultyimatums,

But in the end, although we tell them its their choice, the consequences are theirs, we also have our own choices and it all depends upon what do we really want. What we are willing to give up, or sacrifice, knowing that there might be light at the end of the tunnel. How discerning we really are, when do we know when there is no more hope.

Tad, AJ, do your really believe there is no more hope in your sitch?

I have hope for my sitch. But like everyone else, I have gone through stages where I would feel so angry, so hurt, so resentful. When I could no longer stand it, and want to be the one out. I think about being a WAW myself. Couple of times I actually lost it with H and callenged him to a D right there and then.

But I slowly came to realize that our spouses cannot make that decision because they are not themselves. They are in crisis - they are sick. They need to be nurtured back to health.

I came to realize that the only way to do that is to be what DR tells us - detach, have patience, have compassion - compassion so that we understand that they are miserable too. That it is worse for them than for us. I came to have a closer relationship with God, realizing that this situation came about because both H and I have a lot to learn, and that in His time, we will be healed. I am learning to let go, to have faith. I

What this has done to me right now is make me feel that I could be happy even if I am in this limbo land.

I don't know if I will be like this after I have gone through what you have, AJ. But for now, I feel at peace. I hope that you will be able to find your peace, you have been through so much pain. And I am sure you will be able to make the decision when you are ready for it.

And Tad, you are still early in your sitch.... take care of yourself. One day, believe me, the pain will lessen, it will get better.

Hugs to both of you.