things I've been wrestling with lately as I get closer to the date. I wrestle with whether it really matters. Does it? Or am I just hanging on for a reason that no longer matters - my principles?
AJ...
For me, it was about what my principles are. I still believe in the institute of marriage. I am still against Divorce, in every facet of the word. What I realized was, that this was something that had to happen. The relationship had reached it's final call, and was unhealthy to all involved.
Also , I had to put everything into perspective. The fact that I still loved her, yet almost word for word as you describe below. The deception had to end. And although it was ultimately her decision to finish the "legal" side of things ,I am/was entirely ready for that to happen.
What I struggled with, was that I had become happy that it was to end. I was/am excited with what my future held. So what made me different than her at this point ?
For me, it came down to the fact that I had not intended for this to happen. I chose to honor the memories that I had, instead of changing past events so that I could justify my feelings of excitement. I held no malice toward her for the path she chose to walk. I look at the person she has chosen to be , and I realize that I love her enough to let her be that person, and that I love myself enough, to not accept that behavior from the person she is now.
Originally Posted By: AJM
If I don't file it, am I standing up for my principles? Or am I just being stubborn and fighting her when there is nothing left to fight?
I worked through that fear....that, that was the final piece of string holding "us" together. And once that was severed, then it was officially gone. It was a time for me to "feel" what I described above. That is was an end, yet it was my choice of "how" it was the end. I let that emotion wash over me as I signed my final papers. And though it was sad, I also realized it was not the end of me...just an unhealthy relationship , which produced a multitude of happy memories , including the birth of my two children. No one can ever take those happy memories away from me. I own them....
Originally Posted By: AJM
I will no longer have conversation with you when you treat me like this. Nor will I continue to stand by you as your husband when you have a boyfriend, when you lie, cheat, steal, and destroy my family.
I said that, almost word for word.....
Originally Posted By: AJM
I don't hate her. I don't trust her and I don't like her, but I do not hate her. I feel...not much towards her except defensive in some cases. I know that won't have to be that way much longer and I know I am dead tired of the games and drama.
To be honest....
As long as there are minor children in the picture....The divorce isn't the end of the "games and drama". This is something that is going to be with you for a very long time my friend. It will change some, but essentially..the misnomer that it will end with the signing of the final decree, is just that....a misnomer.
Boundaries will become more important than ever until things reach a level of adjusted living. And then things will still be tested on a fairly consistent level.
You..will be the only change in that. How you react, how you respond. What you are capable of living with and without.
When the end comes, there will be feelings of sadness. Feelings of unfulfilled dreams, feelings of what once was. The difference will be, that you know your truth. And what you felt , and lived. Those things are yours. Nobody can ever take your memories from you.
File or not, it is merely a choice that has to be made, on your time-or hers. The end, is still the end.
Do you have a thread somewhere ?
I do wish you peace from within, during these times ..
