It all started back in 2006 while my wife was in college for nursing. I did all that I could for her by helping around the house, which eventually led to me doing everything. At that point I never noticed that she was getting depressed and the stresses of school were taking its toll on her. Plus I was getting worn out trying to keep the house up and together. I never told her I loved her, that I cared, and that I appreciate everything that she was doing at the time. So we started distancing ourselves from each other, she started hanging out with friends and I eventually became an internet addict (Hah, I'm on it now, LOL). I started pushing her away every time she asked for something or wanted me to do something.
Well, this eventually led to the same old routines, She would ask me for something, I would reject it. Then I would ask for something, she would reject me. Our physical and emotional life grew apart. We would no longer kiss, hug, tell each other I love you, and sex became a chore to us. The cold shoulder became the norm around our house.
With all the arguing about everything, I eventually went back to my root self, the child within that saw all the relationships as fighting, arguing, and abuse. I started to verbally abuse her, not just to her face, but to my family and friends. Well this drove her and most of my friends away from me. My friends wondered why I would ever stay with such an evil person, an evil person that I created with all the talk. With the verbal abuse came even more nagging and we just completely spiraled out of control.
By this spiraling out of control, she started looking elsewhere for the love and kinship that she needed. She started going out and drinking her pain away, which actually got me worried. It hurt seeing her come home drunk, not calling, and coming home later than when she said she would. I tried to convince her in the wrong way and yell and confront her about this. It only made the problems worse, she just quit calling and telling me when she was going out which only made me madder.
So we are up to the date she walked out, she couldn't take any more of the pain I was putting her through and I cannot blame her. I put her through all the name calling and her ex before me put her through physical abuse.
The good thing though is that she is willing to work on our love for each other. We have agreed to counseling which we had our first session today. I have backed away from her and let her have her space. I have also worked with myself on trying to get separate counseling for myself to deal with my anger, trust, and depression. I have already went out and started by buying myself a few new shirts. I have been working to get the house back in order. I have been spending a lot more time with my daughters. I have also been out of the house the last week more than when we were together.
Sorry for the long post but I needed to get a few things off my chest. My support group that I have left is very toxic for my ultimate goal of winning her heart.
