The year of not my problem

[DumpedforMIL]

although i agree that natural consequences is a good way for kids to learn.

however, in ajm's case .. his daughter has obvious anger issues stemming from the divorce. she needs to talk to someone who isn't mom or dad. she needs to go to a trusted adult who is experienced with dealing with anger from divorce. to me, this is a completely different beast.

staying up late is one example .. but a mild one.

but look at my example of eating fried chicken all the time. go ahead, keep eating fried chicken. what are the consequences? a heart attack .. whoops .. do you think they'll learn next time? oh wait, there is no next time because he/she is dead. even if he/she isn't dead .. kid will become obese .. get taunted in school for being the fat kid. to lose weight when you're 200 lbs is not easy .. the natural consequences may not manifest itself until later and then you have a bigger problem (no pun intended) on your hands. at that point, do you think it'd help to say "i was right .. that's what you get for eating fried chicken every meal for all these years"?

my second example .. daughter wants to dress like a hooker to school. you want to let her go to school like that so she can suffer the natural consequences? ok .. she'll just be labelled the school slut for her entire high school career .. scar her emotionally for the rest of her life .. the boys will greet her with cat calls in the hall .. even worse, rape. is that the kind of natural consequences that you want to put your daughter through? will you really be proud of yourself afterwards and say "i was right, you shouldn't have dress like that to school but you didn't listen to me". passive aggressive parenting.

there is a time and place for natural consequences but this is not one of those times. ajm's daughter's emotional health is at stake .. do not compare it to enforcing a curfew.

it's not about controlling them. it's about doing what's best for your child's health. if she is okay after 1 or 2 sessions, she doesn't have to continue. nobody is forcing her to stay in therapy if she doesn't need. it.