How much longer in Separated?

[MichelleLT]

Sorry I haven't been online. Been sick and doing nothing but sleeping for a few days.

Interesting developments.

You guys are definitely between the friendship and romance stages. Before all her family deaths and such, I would have said starting the reconciliation. There's definitely been pull-back now, but that doesn't mean you can't talk to her, just that you need to do so in a way that is setting boundaries, not pressuring her.

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle. That makes sense, no wonder I feel whiplashed. What are the stages again?

W mentioned that she wanted me to take her to the Fair either this weekend or next. I told her I had a camping trip planned for months, and she said "I can come up there during the week". More in a sec.

[jon2911]

My C said that was a great example of not chasing her all the time, giving her a chance to come my way. Especially because she chose to move away. I feel like I'm in DBing 101 all over again LOL.

This weekend my camping trip was cancelled, very disappointed. E-mailed W that I could come there, and didn't get a response all day, until in the evening she responded "this weekend is out, I'm sorry. My nephew was born today, he is beautiful!"

She called a few minutes ago but was very tired and incoherent. It is nice that she called though. Maybe we're heading back toward romance, it's just been so much up and down. How did we go from almost reconciliation, which I think you're right about Michelle, to talking about D again? It's so painful, really been hard on me. I have a lot of anger towards the whole sitch, and the job stuff, and I've been internalizing it.

I spent the day buying a new Macbook Air, which I'm extremely happy with. My old laptop was not getting the job done at 4 1/2 years old. Also got a great e-mail from my web client on the side. It's been tough keeping him happy now that I'm full time at my "day job", but it's working. This one side job alone paid for the Air, and I have several more possibilities.

I'll get a lot of work done today, spend some time with family, then my nephew is getting baptized tomorrow. I enjoy the 3-hour motorcycle ride from here to Austin, and it's such a key time right now, with a nephew born in January and a niece just two weeks ago. It's definitely bittersweet, because I want to have kids so badly someday. I'm sure W is feeling that with her new nephew also.

Hopefully get down to see W and the fair next weekend. I e-mailed her suggesting that.

[jon2911]

Her response:
"Yes, let's plan on next weekend"

She also e-mailed me that she's going to drag racing today (LOL) and that her new nephew's middle name is the same as GFIL's was.

I responded "Yay!" about next weekend, and that I'm going to my nephew's baptism tomorrow and sent her a picture of my new niece and nephew.

[jon2911]

Now a little conundrum:
I have a disc golf trip with several friends to Austin scheduled for next Sunday-Wednesday. First, I need to ask off with my boss. Not really ask off, because I'll be able to do most of my work from there, but fill him in.

Also, I'm nervous about leaving W too early. I would need to leave Sunday morning. Will play it by ear, we haven't even discussed if I'm staying with her yet, or for how long.

[MichelleLT]

The stages are: reducing negative emotions; friendship; romance; recommitment.

You guys are waffling between friendship and romance. I don't really see you in reducing negative emotions at all, but more that you are having to work through and deal with some past issues in this new R you have carved out.

Keep your eye on the goal. Keep focusing on what works. Keep taking care of yourself.

You have come so far. Remember, ignore all of what they say and half of what they do. Actions mean more than words, and words can be spoken out of fear, insecurity, and anger.

[jon2911]

Thanks Michelle!

That is so true. Thanks for the outside perspective.

Great day yesterday, long Harley ride, swung by my brother's church in Killeen, then my nephew's baptism in Austin. Fun to show off my new laptop as well.

Last night W called a couple times and I missed them, so I called back around 11:00. It was a fantastic talk. Just felt warm, joking around, talked for about 30 minutes.

Then I mentioned my new laptop, and she got cold immediately. "You bought a stupid computer?" I told her I paid for it from a side job, that my old one was dying. She said my truck is basically shot, that I don't own a house, she worries about me and that I don't take care of basic needs. Along with "I don't need to be telling you what to do with finances". LOL.

This took me by surprise. Maybe it shouldn't have. I've always shared excitement with her, even if I know she's broke. She ended the conversation.

I started working on my truck on Saturday, made some progress, and my friend offered to help me finish next Saturday. I was torn between the plans with W. It's really not an emergency, my motorcycle is just fine, but it is irresponsible to not have a backup.

Just as I was wrestling with this, W called asking if she could come visit tomorrow(!). She scheduled a doctor's appointment before her big trip to New York.

So, it really all worked out. I really wanted to see her before her month-long trip, and it seems she felt the same way.

It is a lesson. I need to keep things under control and live my own life, because I never know what she's going to do. The truck should be fixed already. The taxes should be done. Overall though, I feel good about my jobs, where I am, and excited for the visit.

At this point I'm planning on leaving the laptop discussion alone, but bringing up the D talk while she's in town. Just to quickly say it's not what I want. Will play that by ear.

[jon2911]

W called Monday night and apologized for chewing me out. She said she has no place to judge. I thanked her for the apology.

Had my unemployment appeal hearing today, what a beatdown. She'll be here in a couple hours, I need a nap first. LOL.

[MichelleLT]

Glad she is coming to visit!!!!!

Very cool about her apologizing too!

Enjoy your nap!

[jon2911]

Great visit so far. I'm able to work here from her doctor's office, and we just had a good lunch. It's always sobering at this office, seeing migraine patients much worse off than she currently is. Women who can barely walk and have huge sunglasses on all the time. Commiserating with their husbands a bit. She's said several times "thanks for letting me trust you".

She mentioned to me that she wanted to stay and have fun for the weekend, but it sounded like I was busy. I do have plans Sunday morning, but fixing my truck on Saturday can be postponed. Hmmm. We'll see.

We do need to have a serious talk at some point. Waiting for the right time.