the obvious answer is .. you need to get them into family therapy. find a female therapist who is experienced with teenagers.

just because you are divorcing your wife, it doesn't wipe away your duties as a father. and father knows best.

if your daughter says she wants fried chicken for breakfast, lunch, and dinner .. what are you going to say? she doesn't know better that it will clog her arteries down the road. but you as a father, have to know when to put your foot down.

don't let your daughter walk all over you like a doormat. one of the things i noticed with a lot of divorcing parents is that they crank up the coddling with their kids .. saying stuff like .. they didn't ask for this .. they are so innocent .. i just want to make sure they are happy because they don't deserve this, they shouldn't have to suffer .. blah blah ..

kids know it. and they use it to their advantage. teenagers especially.

who's in control? the kids or the parents? if your kid wants to dress like a hooker to school, are you going to say .. well, she's a teenager .. she's not going to listen to me.

uh .. nfw. yeah, your kids may be totally against the idea of therapy but you need to know that it's best for them because you don't know how to help them at the moment.

and does it matter if your stbxw doesn't go along with it? is that her decision? uh no. as far as you're concern, you are not a team. you need not run anything by her. you are a single parent .. with a single vote that counts. YOURS.

don't ever rely on the courts to make a decision for you. to have the courts decide on what's best for your kids is like asking the bum off the street which stocks to include in your investment portfolio.

sorry, if i seem a little bit abrasive .. but D4MIL operates in a no-coddling zone. i was raised on tough love and i've seen tough love work on others. kids who have been coddled are always weaker and less capable of surviving in the real world.

i spend a lot of time on the other marriage board and i've had a rough week scolding many to get off their butts and move on.

but in a nutshell .. you need to be the parent and know what's best for your kids. the fact that another friend asked you the same thing, says something about what you're doing now is .. not working. get help before it's too late.

parents splitting up isn't a free pass for your kids to act out.