So, all of you LBS - don't let your MLC'er savour the victory of you giving p and filing for the D. Let them do it! Don't let them be the triumphant victim!
One of the exact things I've been wrestling with lately as I get closer to the date. I wrestle with whether it really matters. Does it? Or am I just hanging on for a reason that no longer matters - my principles? If I don't file it, am I standing up for my principles? Or am I just being stubborn and fighting her when there is nothing left to fight? See, I see this as two things: Her journey, and my journey. In my journey, there is NO WAY I should allow somebody to treat me like she has. I did anyway. But is there a reason let her treat me poorly or is it that there are consequences to your choices and one of those is that you are no longer going to be married to me. I will no longer have conversation with you when you treat me like this. Nor will I continue to stand by you as your husband when you have a boyfriend, when you lie, cheat, steal, and destroy my family. This is a weighty issue that I do not take lightly. I started this journey a little behind in my view of things. Well behind really. I now see things very differently. I don't hate her. I don't trust her and I don't like her, but I do not hate her. I feel...not much towards her except defensive in some cases. I know that won't have to be that way much longer and I know I am dead tired of the games and drama. I know she worked hard to destroy the relationship. I know I worked hard to not let her. I know that it really doesn't matter in the scheme of things who files and who doesn't. What I do not know is if I am being stubborn and lashing out by not filing, or if I am sticking to what I started and letting her be the one to file. I would like to think the latter, but interested in the thoughts of those that have worked through this thinking?? I am an idealist, so ideally I would stick by my convictions and let her file. Just don't want to live in that limbo and trying to see the value of waiting for her to file and trying to be sure I am not being vindictive in waiting.
Fun fun fun...
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
