I'm a newcomer to this site but have practically memorized Michelles book: The Sex starved Marriage. It's tattered and tear stained and was my nightly companion through years of sleeping on the couch so as to not feel the energy of rejection night after night. Been married for 40 years and will go to my grave feeling like an undesirable woman. The most challenging part of this scenario is that my husband dismisses and ignares my pain. We had sex through the years but it was always more of an afterthought (when tv and food were not available). My husband is decent and good but deep down wants no real connection with himself. So therefore true intimacy requires one to be connected to oneself. THere's no room for discussion here. He's seen my tears and I've begged him just to read a chapter of Michelles book (every page is HIGHLIGHTED! So there's no chance he would miss the message if he truly sought it). It's actually reached a point where my measurement of a good day is how well I've dealt with the reality that I am so undesirable. i might add that my husband ALWAYS compliments me on how I look and dress for work and would be devastated if ever I were to have an affair (Would never could never hurt him in this way!!) But I will never know what he tells himself to feel IK about ignoring my pain. The most (the ABSOLUTE most!) response that I've ever gotten from him when in anguish I beg him to talk with me about this is merely a shrug of the shoulders and a wimpy "that's not true" Not another word, not a sentence not anything. So far prayer has sustained me and I know I will continue to suffer this dilemma for the rest of my married life but somehow someday would love to be able to chat with someone who would validate my pain. I guess that's selfish. Thanks for listening Wounded hear
